


Clearing Fences

by auroradream



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horse Racing, BDSM, Community: kradambigbang, Dom/sub, Eating Disorders, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 11:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auroradream/pseuds/auroradream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leaving behind an abusive BDSM relationship in Arkansas, jockey Kris finds himself  in Virginia horse country, taking the Steeplechase world by storm.  Emotionally lost, he's hoping to prove himself to the world and those he left behind, and regain his lost self-worth.  But it's under the firm hand of trainer Adam Lambert that Kris finally finds the confidence he had lost and the relationship he needs to heal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clearing Fences

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2013 Kradam Big Bang challenge. Lovely art made by [banbury](http://banbury.livejournal.com/) which can be found at the [art master post](http://banbury.livejournal.com/154605.html). Beta by the amazing [samanthahirr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/samanthahirr).
> 
> Warning for a character having an eating disorder, panic attacks, and describing a past rape.

He was a mess, but a happy, exhausted one.  The track had gotten damp between the third and fourth race from a sudden drizzle on an otherwise beautiful Saturday, and his silks and face were covered in mud and bits of turf.  Kris didn’t care about the mud and the exhaustion bleeding through him; he and Zorro had placed fourth.  They had been longshots, more racing for the experience than thinking about placing, but there had been this moment after the fourth fence where Kris felt Zorro open up underneath him and he let the Thoroughbred fly.  The moment when they crossed the finish line, everything went silent—only the sound of his and Zorro’s breathing and the thunder of hooves on the ground.  When sound rushed back in, Kris couldn’t help but let out a shout of joy. 

Now, Zorro was cooled off and in his stall with Elvis the goat, and Kris was being ushered to the Sponsor Tents, rubbing at his face with a damp cloth, goggles still dangling around his neck.  Hands were shoved in his face, and names flew past in a haze as he was passed around to sponsors and high rollers.  Kris Allen and Zorro’s Masquerade were on everyone’s lips, and it was just so fucking surreal.  Even more surreal, just past a group of owners Kris could make out the unmistakable broad shoulders and dark hair of Adam Lambert, the trainer every owner and barn wanted to work with. 

He carefully made his way across the tent, hoping he could get an introduction.

“Who the fuck was that?” Adam’s voice was lighter than Kris expected.

“You’re going to have to be more specific, petal,” the man next to him replied, studiously inspecting his nails.

“The rider in the blue and red diamond silks with that masked bay Thoroughbred.”

Okay, that was not a happy sounding voice, Kris thought.  He stopped short of the pair, not sure that approaching them right now would be a good idea.

“Oh, you mean the rider and Thoroughbred that knocked Taylor out of the winner’s circle?”

Adam turned, and Kris could see him in profile now, his full lips pulled down at the corners in a frown.  “Bradley.”  Oh, he must be talking to Brad Bell, his training partner.

Brad turned and looked up at Adam, a brow raised.  “His name is Kristopher Allen, as you would well know if you looked at the damned program.  He’s riding Zorro’s Masquerade, who is a seven year-old gelding who he also owns.  Imagine that!  It says he’s trained by Bill O’Connell, but the hostlers say Allen and the O’Connell family have recently split ways.”

Adam’s face was dark.  “I don’t fucking care about all that shit—” and Kris didn’t get to hear anymore, his attention pulled back to another trainer who wanted to talk to him. 

He tried to keep a smile on his face while he talked with owners and trainers and sponsors.  All of them wanted to woo him to their barns, train him and Zorro up… all but the one he really wanted to work with.  The one who had apparently gotten over his dark mood and was currently smiling at a small, blond jockey with a flirtatious air that made Kris’s stomach flip uneasily.   Kris smiled at the barn owner he was talking to while he fiddled with his silks cuffs, trying to worm a finger underneath to touch the black leather band that encircled his wrist.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch what you said,” Kris said, his stomach calming a bit with the familiar touch of leather.

A big hand slapped against his shoulder, rocking Kris forward onto his toes.  “No problem!  It’s a bit loud in here.  Come and join me outside, closer to the rail; the fifth race is about to start, and I know you’ll want to catch that!”

Kris nodded in agreement and let himself be lead outside.  It wasn’t that much quieter, but there weren’t as many people crushed so close together. 

“Now, Kris,” the man said—Nelson, that was the barn owner’s name.  “I want you and Zorro’s Masquerade to come to Lakeview Cross, get you both in shape to enter the International Gold Cup in October.” 

Fuck, the Virginia International Gold Cup.  That was big, that was really big.  That would be amazing… and probably too good to be true.  Kris couldn’t afford to be naive anymore, not with board and shoeing costs to manage.  “That’s an amazing offer, Nelson, but what’s in it for you?  You wouldn’t get owner rights since I own Zorro, and I honestly don’t have the money to pay for a trainer, let alone entry fees.  Most of my purse today is going to travel and board costs since we just moved here.  Hell,” he palmed the back of his head—if Katy had been around to catch him, that nervous habit would have gotten him in trouble, “to be honest, I’m not sure where I’m sleeping after tomorrow.  I’m hoping to find an apartment in Gainesville or something.”

Nelson nodded in understanding.  “Okay, first things first, you and Zorro would stay at Lakeview Cross; we have an open apartment in the barn since our second barn manager left.  You would work as one of the barn managers, and that would pay for you and Zorro.  And as for a trainer, I’ll ask for ten percent of any of your winnings this season; that’ll reimburse me for paying Lambert. ”

His mouth fell open in surprise.  “Lambert, as in Adam Lambert?”

The grin that spread across Nelson’s face showed that he knew he had Kris.  “One and the same.  You and Zorro come on to Middleburg tonight.  I’ll give you directions or if you have a GPS, the address, and you can settle in, and Adam’ll be there on Monday bright and early for you to start training.”

With one last second to mull it over—and who was Kris kidding, he knew he was sold—he stuck his hand out.  “I very much appreciate the opportunity, Nelson.”

As soon as Kris arrived at Lakeview Cross, Nelson had handed him over to his current barn manager, a spunky nineteen-year old named Allison who he immediately felt comfortable with.  He spent Saturday night and all of Sunday getting to know the barn and getting Zorro settled in a stall and the small turnout paddock where he got acquainted with the rest of the herd.  Elvis stuck close to the large Thoroughbred and nipped at the few curious barn dogs that got too close.  Chores were a comfortable routine anywhere; he let his body go on semi-autopilot as he mucked stalls, groomed horses, and learned who got what supplement. 

The bed sheets felt wonderfully soft and smooth against Kris’s skin when he woke up Monday morning.  He had slept deeply with no remembered dreams.  He could feel the gentle strain from doing good barn work in his muscles as he stretched out in bed.  The window he had cracked open last night let in the cool morning air and spread goose bumps across his naked skin.   Kris shivered a bit before he eased out from beneath his covers and pulled on a pair of clean briefs and socks.  Next he found his least dirty britches—he really needed to do laundry—and pulled the buff pants up before putting on deodorant and a t-shirt.  Bathroom rituals for Kris were quick and simple:  he brushed his teeth, washed his face, and ran a wet comb through his hair.  No sense styling something that was unruly and going to be stuck underneath a helmet most of the day.  One last, quick check that the leather around his wrist was snug, and Kris left his room in socked feet.  His paddock boots were down on the main level in the tack room along with the breakfast foods he’d picked up from the market the day before. 

Kris wasn’t much a breakfast person, but he didn’t know how long Adam would keep him working so a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice did him good.  Through the inner door he could see activity beginning to stir in the barn, with horses being brought in by barn hands to be fed.  Zorro was already in his stall, head poking out and eager for his breakfast.  When Kris opened the door between barn and tack room he was greeted by the comforting smells of horse and hay that made it home.

“Kris!” Allison called, catching him struggling to tie his boots while walking at the same time.  “Careful there!  You won’t get to do anything if you hurt yourself pulling on your boots!”

“Ha, ha, Ally.  I just don’t like to be idle while other people are working.  Especially since it’s my job to do some of this.”

She rolled her eyes at him.  “Either way, it doesn’t matter since Adam’s already here and waiting for you in the office.  Your job can hold off for a bit until your schedule evens out; I’ve got it under control.”

He nodded to her and walked over to Zorro’s stall, who gave a soft nicker.  “Hey, bud.”  He reached out and rubbed his hand over Zorro’s dark nose, the soft skin and hair like velvet under his fingers.  Zorro leaned his head farther out and lipped at Kris’s shirt before he rubbed his head against Kris’s shoulder, nearly knocking him over.  “Easy!” Kris laughed while righting himself, Zorro still trying to use him as a scratching post.  “Ally will bring your breakfast, and I’ll be seeing you later.  Just gotta meet Adam…”

It was all Kris could do not to bury his head in Zorro’s mane, to hide his face and his anxiety from everyone in the barn.  He brought his face close to Zorro’s and murmured softly to his horse instead, meaningless phrases about how he was a “good boy” and to “be nice” to Ally and the other barn hands.  Finally he took a deep breath, gave Zorro a last pat, and headed over to the manager’s office.

Adam’s voice was just loud enough to carry through the closed door.  “Fuck you, Brad!  I can’t believe you told Nelson I would do this without consulting me first.  You might be my partner, but that doesn’t give you the right to make these kinds of decisions _for_  me…   No, I’m already here; I usually work with Patrick on Mondays—but I guess that’s _changing_ …  Yeah, yeah, talk to you later.”

There was shuffling behind the door, and Kris couldn’t keep the surprise off his face when the door swung open with force.  Adam stood long and lean in the doorframe, clad in britches, boots, and a dark blue polo that brought out the blue in his eyes.  He scanned Kris up and down, lingering on his face, hands, and groin before meeting Kris’s eyes with an upraised brow. 

“We’re going to have some rules between us if you’re going to work with me,” he started, pushing off from the doorframe and walking purposefully down the aisle way.  Kris frowned a little at the lack of introduction but turned and hurried after him.  “Rule one; no drinking the night before we work together.  You can drink on your own time, but I don’t like to work with someone hung over, especially since you’ll be working with a one ton animal going over potentially dangerous jumps.  Don’t need to add in the joys of a hangover to that.  Rule two; you need to do at least two days of riding outside of your work with me.  I don’t care if you do vaulting, dressage, or just go out for a trail ride; you and Zorro need to be out to keep you both in shape.  Rule three; you are to not sleep with Brad Bell.  I don’t care if he’s in your bed naked and begging for it.  No matter how pretty a picture it will be, Do. Not. Do. It.  Rule four…”

“I’m not gay,” Kris interjected as Adam lead them through the barn and out to a paddock.  He nearly ran into Adam’s back when the trainer came to an abrupt stop.  “Whoa, warn a guy!”

Adam turned and looked at Kris, his eyes flicking to the leather around Kris’s wrist before coming back to his eyes.  “Really?  You’re really not gay?  Not even bi?”

He shook his head, “No, I’m straight.”

“Huh…” Adam’s brow rose again before he shrugged.  “Either way, don’t fuck Brad.  It isn’t worth it in the end, and I don’t want to deal with either of your whining when it goes bad.”

The look in Adam’s eyes was intense and it kicked up the flutter in Kris’s stomach again.  He didn’t want to upset Adam, there was something about him that drew Kris inexplicably close, but he didn’t want to get too close and get burned.  Katy was still a sore spot for him and even thinking about her made Kris feel untethered, the hurt still fresh in his mind.  Kris had to break their eye contact, gaze lowering to his feet while his fingers fiddled with his bracelet, and nodded his assent.  “Okay.”

Another beat of silence followed, and Kris could feel Adam’s gaze lingering on him.  Adam hummed softly, and Kris heard the rustle of fingers through hair.  “Okay then, moving on.  Rule four: I need you to trust me.  I don’t know what your actual level is, so what I ask you to do might be below your skill set or above it, but I need to assess where you and Zorro actually are.  We both know that Saturday was a bit of a fluke.  An amazing fluke, but statistically that shouldn’t have happened. 

“You’re a bit of an anomaly here, Kris.  You own your horse, you don’t technically belong to a barn, and there’s some gossip following you here from Arkansas and from the Atlanta Steeplechase.” 

Kris’s eyes flew up at that.  _No, please let it not be from them!_

“Don’t worry, nothing bad.  Mainly some barn hands that have transplanted themselves here have made note of remembering you when you were at Rolling Hill Farm.  Everyone said you were a hard worker and had a—how did Charles put it?—a ‘special ken’ with horses, especially Zorro.” 

Kris felt his face start to flush.  “Charles is a good guy.  And horses just make sense to me.”

The smile that slowly spread to Adam’s eyes made him look like an entirely different man than the hard ass he’d been to date.  “I know what you mean.  They’re pretty amazing creatures.”

Adam put his hand on the small of Kris’s back, guiding him forward and continuing to talk about what to expect with him as a trainer.  Kris paid attention to what Adam was saying, but he couldn’t help but be distracted by the heat of Adam’s hand and how his harsh tone had seemingly disappeared.  It felt like it had been ages since someone touched him for an extended period of time, and he was soaking in each and every moment of it.  Their shoulders brushed against one another as they walked, and for once he didn’t shy away the way he would have with Katy.  She hadn’t liked it when he touched and was affectionate with other people.  He didn’t have to worry about that anymore, but after so long, it was hard to forget all the things that had become part of his everyday life. 

It was getting close to one o’clock when Adam finally finished going over his training expectations.  They ended up at a table in the tack room that doubled as Kris’s kitchen, papers spread out.  Adam went over the training schedule and then showed Kris the contract for payment should a purse be won.  Adam had his own contract with Nelson, and even Kris’s employment contract to go over.  Everything was laid out in black and white, and suddenly Kris was overwhelmed. 

“Holy shit,” he muttered, staring down at the papers.  His mind raced with all the responsibility on his shoulders, and his breaths came shorter, his heart beat sticking in his throat.  When he looked up, looking for someone who wouldn’t be there, because she wasn’t ever going to be there anymore, the panic hit even harder.  He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, and his vision was starting to go gray at the edges.  The room was too hot and too cold at the same time.  He wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from it all.  Pushing his chair back, he folded in on himself, hugging his torso with tight arms.  A high pitched whine assaulted his ears, and it took a moment for him to realize that he was the one making the sound. 

He didn’t notice Adam turning his chair to face him until he pulled Kris’s hands away from his forearms, where his nails had begun to draw blood.  “Kristopher,” Adam’s voice was calm and strong, his hands tight around Kris’s wrists, the pressure grounding Kris back in his body, “look at me.”

Kris could barely force his darting eyes to meet Adam’s.  He made brief eye contact before darting away again.  He still couldn’t breathe.  There was a roaring in his ears, every other sound drowned out.

“Kristopher,” Adam said again, drawing Kris’s eyes back to him.  Kris’s gaze darted from his eyes to his nose, his forehead, finally landing on his lips as he spoke.  “Kristopher, you need to breathe with me.  Breathe in, two, three, four.  Out, two, three, four.”  He brought one of Kris’s hands up, over his heart, keeping it pinned there while the other held Kris’s other wrist in a tight, steady grip.  “Again, Kristopher.  In, two, three, four.  Out, two, three, four.  Good, now I want you to feel my heart beat.  Feel how even and slow it is?  Try to relax your heart to match mine.  Keep breathing and it’ll flow right into evening your heart out.  In, two, three, four.  Out, two, three, four.  Good, Kristopher, you’re doing so good.” 

Adam kept murmuring nonsense in a calm voice while Kris worked on slowing his breathing.  The roaring in his ears started to diminish, and Kris could hear the horses in the barn and a burst of laughter that had to be Allison.  With a harsh gasp, Kris finally felt like he was on even ground again and not in danger of passing out.  He tried to pull back from Adam’s hold, but Adam moved with him, the hand against Adam’s chest caught and brought back down to the other resting against Adam’s knees. 

“Does this happen a lot?” Adam asked, his voice still gentle, but his eyes holding an intensity that captured Kris.

“Um,” Kris’s breath hitched for a second before he could continue, “not for a while.  My girl—ex-girlfriend worked with me on them.  She gave me my wristband.”  He wiggled his left hand where the leather bracelet was under Adam’s grip.   _Fuck_ , why did he have to bring Adam’s attention to the bracelet, the crutch he was still clinging to.

It looked like Adam was going to ask about the bracelet, and Kris really didn’t want to explain it to him.  He didn’t want to talk about how Katy had seen something in him that responded to her commands; a part of him that stopped panicking when she snapped the leather around his wrist and took him down to his knees.  And now that she wasn’t there for him, now that she wasn’t in his life anymore, he felt anchorless.  Kris hadn’t had to make a big decision for himself or Zorro for five years.  Katy had always been the one to make the plans and decide what Kris would do.  When the chance to race and move to Virginia came, after Katy had…   _No, don’t even think about it_ …  Kris had jumped on it, the first decision he had made all by himself in years.  And it was just after he had packed his bags for Virginia by way of a race in South Carolina that he’d had his first panic attack in ages.

Adam’s eyes stayed soft while he slowly released his hold on Kris’s wrists.  His fingertips dragged across the callused skin of Kris’s palms in a slight tickle before he finally let go.  “Well, how about you take the rest of today, go about your duties for Nelson, and finish up reading the contracts before you go to bed tonight.  I’ll stop by tomorrow afternoon to pick up our contract, and then I’ll see you again next Monday.  We’ll run the short course and then work in the ring a little bit.  I want you to do some ring work on your own or with Ally.  She may be young, but she’s got a keen eye.”

He stood and clapped Kris on the shoulder in a companionable manner.  “Eat something, Kristopher.  You’re too thin.”

After spending years around horses and in barns, Kris didn’t really notice the smell of horse manure anymore.  In its own way, he found the smell comforting and calming because he knew there was manual labor he could lose himself in.  Sweat tickled the back of his neck while he mucked stalls at one end of the barn, Ally coming into the stalls he had just finished and putting in new shavings.  One of Ally’s hounds rushed in behind her and dove under the fresh bedding, rolling around and barking.  Kris had to stop working, he was laughing so hard; he had to use the pitchfork in his hands to stay upright when Ally stood over Yancy, her hands on her hips while she scolded the hound. 

“I swear, Yancy, you are absolutely no help, none whatsoever.”  She tapped the toe of her muck boot in fake annoyance before she broke out into giggles herself.  She turned, looking over at Kris, who was still chuckling to himself while he tossed a forkful of manure and used bedding into the wheelbarrow.  “How’s it going with Adam?  You guys have been working together for a few weeks now.”

Kris shrugged while he continued to muck.  “Good, I think?  I mean, I’m certainly learning a lot about how to ask for Zorro to do more and how to really approach each of the fences.  We found out that Zorro has some issues with water fences though.”  He sighed, leaning lightly against the pitchfork.  “Honestly, I’m nervous for next week.  Adam’s entered us to race down at Colonial Downs.  A few of his other trainees are going too, but it still feels like it’s really soon.”

She turned and leaned against the wall separating them, looking at Kris from between the wood boards.  “Do you want to race?”

“What?” Kris frowned at her.

“It’s a simple question, Kris.  Do you want to race?”

“Of course!” he barked, causing Yancy to give a howl in response.

Ally’s smile was soft.  “Then it isn’t too soon.  You’ll do great.  Just relax and enjoy the experience.  This is your and Zorro’s first year not in novice.  Expect the nerves, but don’t let them take you over.  Listen to your instincts and your training, and to Zorro.”

He grinned at her, “You’re right.  I’m just nervous; I feel like I have a lot riding on this race.  I don’t want to disappoint Nelson and Adam.”

“You won’t.  They both want you to do well, but you won’t be turned out on your ear if you don’t.  No matter what, you and Zorro will be back here afterwards, getting ready for the next race and keeping me company at the barn.”

It had been a long time since Kris had a female friend like Allison, honestly just any kind of friend; it was nice to have someone to talk out his nerves to who wouldn’t judge him.  Her confidence and kindness settled his nerves enough to finish mucking the stalls, his hands slightly sore from the work, before starting on a bath for Zorro. 

Zorro leaned into the curry comb while he stood in the crossties.  The familiar circular motions that pulled up dirt and loose hair from Zorro’s coat calmed Kris even further.  He hummed along to the radio, Ally singing softly from deeper in the barn, her voice a husky contralto that Kris enjoyed.  There was a stubborn bit of dried mud on Zorro’s stifle that Kris had to rub over for a while before it broke up, but then he was able to put the curry comb down and pick up the brush to flick more hair and dirt away, smoothing Zorro’s coat down again.  The familiar smooth motion of long passes with a slight flick at the end pulled Kris into the Zen he always felt taking care of horses. 

After the final brushes over Zorro’s back and along his girth line, Kris reached into the bucket of grooming tools to pull out the hoof pick.  He gave the command “Foot” when he ran his hand down each leg, Zorro following the command by lifting his hoof up for Kris to clean any dirt and rocks out.  That done, he stood back up, stretching his back out, and pulled over the bucket filled with water and Show Sheen, the soap helping to keep Zorro shiny and mud free until tomorrow.  Zorro tossed his head up when Kris wet his face with the hose. 

“Easy, I know you don’t like it,” Kris murmured, his hand coming up to shield Zorro’s head while he ran the hose over his neck.  He turned and wet a clean sponge before he shut the hose off.  Sponge in hand, Kris held Zorro’s head still by the halter and gently sponged his face clean, ruffling his forelock in affection.  The rest of the grooming went easily, Zorro’s mane and tail shampooed then combed, the long hair trimmed.  He would put the hoof polish on tomorrow at the track before the race.  One last rinse and scrape of the scraper to get lingering suds and water off, and Kris lead Zorro back out to the paddock with the rest of the horses. 

Adam was training two other riders, one from his own barn and Patrick, one of Nelson’s riders.  Kris was slowly getting to know Patrick, but the kid had a summer job while he was home from school, was still in juniors, and was busy with his own things.  They would be trailering together though, so Kris hoped to get to know the guy a little bit better on their drive out to the track.

It worked out well; Patrick ended up having a dry sense of humor and enjoyed talking about the philosophy and business double major he was getting at William and Mary.  Kris talked about his own junior races and his decision not to go to college but to be a barn manager and jockey, and hopefully a trainer in his own right someday.  It was a relatively quick two and a half hours.  The only argument was over the radio, when Patrick said he wasn’t a fan of the Beatles and Kris had to educate him in their wonders.

Colonial Downs was a beautiful track with lush green turf and two ponds in the center of the green.   Zorro and Patrick’s horse, Kestrel, were stabled side by side and nickered softly to one another while Kris and Patrick went to get weighed out for their races.  There were a few jockeys that Kris recognized, and he nodded to them as he told Patrick an outlandish story of a post-race celebration.

One of the jockeys knocked into Kris’s shoulder.  Hard.

“Excuse me,” Kris fumbled with the saddle in his arms when he was jostled. 

The jockey just sneered at him before continuing back toward the stable. 

Patrick frowned for a moment and then sighed.  “Don’t pay attention to Taylor.  He thinks you’re the reason why he didn’t place at the Gold Cup.  It was actually because he’s a shit rider who thinks just because he has money and a good trainer he’ll win everything.  Adam kept telling him to scratch, that his horse wasn’t ready, but you can’t really reason with Taylor when he gets his mind to something.”  He waved Kris onward, “Come on, Adam said he’d meet us after we weighed out.”

Their turns came quickly, and Kris stood with his saddle at his feet on the scale.  Patrick waited to the side, his lips downturned when he saw what Kris weighed out as.  Kris glanced at the scale and saw that he was within the limits, coming in at 145 lbs.  Maybe if he worked he could finally shed those last five pounds—115 lbs was so much better than his previous 120.  Kris raised an eyebrow at him, but Patrick just shook his head and gave a rueful grin. 

Adam was waiting for them at the stable by the horses.  He looked handsome in gray slacks, a light blue button up that he kept open at the throat, and a charcoal sports coat.  The grin he threw in Kris and Patrick’s direction when they walked up brought Kris’s eyes to a freckle on his lush bottom lip.  He felt his face heat up when Adam made eye contact with him.  Before Adam could ask anything, Patrick sighed.

“Adam, you seriously need to have a talk with Taylor at some point.  We ran into him on our way to weigh out, and I’ve got a feeling he’s not in the right headspace right now.”

“Crap.”  Adam tilted his head back, looking up at the barn’s ceiling.  “He’s going to get himself or someone else hurt with the way he’s been acting, but I can’t convince him to pull out.”

Kris settled his saddle on the rack outside Zorro’s stall.  “He’s probably just thinking about the race and getting in the zone.  He knows how dangerous this is; I doubt he’ll do anything stupid.” 

Patrick shook his head at Kris, handing his own gear to his groom.  “I wouldn’t put anything past Taylor right now.  He’s still pissed at Adam for breaking it off with him.”

Kris couldn’t help blushing lightly at the reference to Adam’s personal life.  He shot a quick glance at Adam, who was giving Patrick the stink eye to Patrick’s own amusement.  Adam rolled his eyes and caught Kris watching him, eyes going dark as they held Kris’s in place.  Kris’s entire face flushed hot, and his fingers began to fumble with his tack before Adam turned his eyes away, letting Kris focus back on tacking Zorro up.  He slipped his fingers under his silks on his left wrist to rub at his leather band, grounding himself again with its familiar texture. 

The lead-up to a race always flashed forward for Kris, his mind settling into a quiet space of preparation and mental review of the course.  Patrick’s race came and went while Kris was in his own world where only Zorro existed.  He could hear Patrick’s excited voice talking to Adam about placing, but it was background noise as he gave Zorro that one last look over, checking his hooves for a random rock, pulling his stirrup leathers to the right length, looping his crop over his wrist, and checking that Zorro’s saddle pad was straight with the numbers clear.  Adam was there to help lead Zorro out of his stall and across the grounds to the field to meet the outrider.

He gave Kris a quick leg up, his hand resting on Kris’s thigh once he was in the saddle.

“Kristopher, I need you to look at me for a moment,” Adam said, his hand tightening just a little to get Kris’s attention.

When Kris turned from settling his gloves over his hands again and pulling his goggles down over his eyes, he could see the serious look in Adam’s eyes.  “What?”

Adam had a dark look in his eyes for a moment before they cleared.  “Don’t let Zorro go too early.  He’s been pushing out after clearing the third fence.  This is a longer race, and he needs to last until the end, so hold him back a bit.”

Kris gave a curt nod of understanding before letting the outrider grab Zorro’s halter and lead them to the post. 

Sound started to fade out as he concentrated on his breathing and the feeling of Zorro underneath him.  He let himself focus on Zorro’s deep breaths and sank into the feeling, the two of them becoming one in his mind.  They were at the post, horses and riders on either side of them, excited snorting breaths from Zorro.  He settled his feet more firmly in the stirrups, heels securely down and his legs tight against Zorro’s sides when he pushed himself up into two-point, hands tight on the reins. 

The bell went off and they left the post, the other riders and horses beside them.  They thundered down the track to the first fence, sailing over it smoothly in the middle of the pack.  Kris could feel Zorro’s strength beneath him, wanting to be unleashed, but he held him back as they sailed over the next fence and began to head into the first corner.  It was a tight pack, everyone jockeying for a better position.  Once they were over the third fence, Kris had to concentrate more on holding Zorro back than on who was coming up on his inside. 

It wasn’t until he felt the sharp pain of a crop coming down on his arm that he realized someone had gotten so close.  He raised his left arm, trying to keep the striking crop from hitting him too hard or accidently hitting Zorro.  Kris tried to focus through the pain of getting struck while working to keep Zorro in check.  He finally saw an opening and let Zorro have his head a bit more, getting away from the fouling rider, but a sudden pain across his shoulders caused Kris to involuntarily arch his back, losing his balance.

There was a flash of white across Kris’s vision, and then he was airborne, Zorro no longer underneath him.  He hit the ground hard and just barely had time to curl up and roll with the momentum before something struck his helmet and everything went black.

Sound was the first thing that came back when he started to wake up.  His ears rang with the rushing of his blood, and then he could feel his body; it felt like one big ache.  Carefully he opened his eyes, his vision blurry while more sounds rushed in.  Medics surrounded him, talking at him and each other until he finally groaned and tried to sit up.  Hands appeared on his shoulders, lightly pressing him back to the ground. 

“Easy, easy,” one medic said.  “Stay lying down, Kris.  You were out for at least a minute, and we need to put you on a stretcher.”  When Kris tried to turn his head to look around, the hands moved from his shoulders to his head, keeping it still.  “Nope, don’t look around.  We’re putting you in a neck brace, too.”

Moaning again, Kris relaxed as much as he could into the turf before he suddenly tightened up again.  “Zorro?”

The medic laughed, “You jockeys… Your horse is fine.  He pulled out as soon as you were off his back.  Big guy guarded you until we got to your side and the outrider was able to get here.  He’s back in his stall by now getting checked over by a vet with your trainer.  And here comes the stretcher with the attached ambulance.  We’ll get you checked out at the hospital, but you definitely have at least a concussion.”

Time phased in and out while a neck brace was put on him and he was loaded onto a backboard and then into the ambulance.  The paramedic kept up a steady bit of chatter, and he let it wash over him as the ache in his body spread and concentrated in his head.  They cut his silks down the middle and then at the wrists to pull them off, and attached leads to his chest.  A blanket was tossed over him, and Kris had a thought that he might be going into shock, but thinking about it made his head hurt worse.  A steady hand took his helmet off, and Kris caught sight of a hoof mark on the cover before he gave in and let his heavy eyelids close. 

“Hey, Kris, I need you to keep your eyes open until we get to the hospital.  I know it’s hard, but we don’t want anything bad to happen.  How about you tell me about your horse?  What’s his name?”  The paramedic placed a cool hand on Kris’s forehead, the touch reminding Kris of his mother when he got sick as a child.

“He’s named Zorro’s Masquerade.  He’s a total puppy really, love ‘im.” Kris thought his words might be slurring, but he wasn’t sure.

“How long have you had him?”

“Mmm, about two years.  He’s seven, been training him since he was four.  Been my best friend since, well, other than Charles, but he’s still in Arkansas… I miss Arkansas some, mostly my family, but not Katy.  She hurt me.  I didn’t like it.”

It was like Kris was drunk, the words just spilling from his mouth, but without the haze alcohol would have given him.  Right now, Kris hurt too much to be drunk.  Oh yeah, he’d been in an accident… Someone had hit him!

“Who hit me?” Kris asked, frown creasing his forehead before he forced himself to relax the muscles.  Everything hurt so much now.

“Not sure which horse it was that clipped you…” the paramedic started.

“No,” he interrupted, “with the crop.  Before I fell.”

The paramedic nodded in understanding.  “I think they said it was Taylor Green.  I saw a lot of race officials conferring when we were taking you out; I think I even saw some cops, too.”

“Cops?”

The look he got from the paramedic was one of concern.  “He purposefully put your life in danger and also broke some pretty significant rules.  He’ll be lucky if he just gets banned for life.”

Kris blinked up at the paramedic.  “You know a lot ‘bout Steeplechase.”

“Well,” the paramedic laughed, “I’m originally from Middleburg, and my sister does hunter jumpers.  I was forced to learn something so I would understand what she was saying during dinner.”

The hospital was a mess of lights and sounds that Kris couldn’t even try to interpret through his growing headache.  The head, shoulder, and wrist (he didn’t remember his wrist hurting, but it did look pretty swollen) x-rays and head CT scans happened quickly upon his arrival, and soon Kris found himself in a room waiting for the results to come back.  Between one blink and the next, he faded out, and when he next woke Adam and Ally were at his bedside.

“Z’rro?” he muttered, eyes still partially closed.

Ally’s voice was full of relief.  “Of course the first thing you ask about is your horse.  He’s fine, Brad drove him and Patrick back to Nelson’s.  That is one of the most calm and level-headed Thoroughbreds I’ve ever met.”

“Taylor’s getting banned.”  Adam was frowning deeply.  “He’s also getting arrested for assault and reckless endangerment.”

He frowned at Adam, confused.  “But I haven’t pressed charges…”

It was Ally who answered, shaking her head ruefully.  “You don’t need to.  Something like that doesn’t need someone to press charges.”

Kris opened his mouth to respond, but the doctor came in, soft smiles and reassurance in her eyes.  “Hi, I’m Doctor Helen Wallace.  How’re you feeling, Mr. Allen?”

“Kris,” he corrected.  “I’m hurting, that’s for sure.”

“Well, that makes sense Kris, you got really lucky.  Thank god for helmets.”  She smiled at him, putting her hand on his knee.  “You’ve only got a grade two concussion, so you’ll have a pretty good headache for a while, and you’ll probably experience nausea and some dizziness for the next few days.  And it looks like your shoulder and wrist are just bruised and sprained.  You won’t need a sling for your shoulder, but we are going to want you in a brace for your wrist for a few weeks, along with some PT to strengthen you back up again.  But other than that, I don’t think we need to keep you overnight for observation as long as you have someone who you can stay with, or who can stay with you to check up on you for at least the first night.”

“He’ll be staying with me,” Adam chimed in.

“But—“ Kris tried to object.

Ally shook her head, and Adam got a hard look in his eyes.  “Kris, you’ve got to climb those stairs to get to your rooms.  Adam’s place is a single level, don’t fight us on this.  I’ll take care of Zorro until you get home, you know I will.”

“Kristopher,” Adam’s voice grabbed Kris’s attention.  “You’re coming home with me for at least the next two days.  After that we can talk about you going back to Nelson’s and starting a plan to get you back into riding condition.  I have a friend who’s a physical therapist, and he can come over to look at your wrist tomorrow afternoon.”

“Adam…” Ally started, but backed down under the look he gave her, snorting and rolling her eyes in exasperation.  “Fine, don’t listen to me.”

Dr. Wallace just laughed softly.  “It seems like you’re in good hands, Kris.  Go ahead and take Tylenol for your head and your aches and pains.  You need to stay away from ibuprofen and aspirin for a bit since those can increase risk of bleeding, which you really don’t want right now.  I’ll get a wrist brace and your discharge papers to you.  Have a good meal and get some rest.”

When Dr. Wallace left, Ally also said goodbye to Kris with a kiss on his forehead.  “You listen to Adam.  He’ll take care of you.”

Adam and Kris were silent while they waited for Kris’s brace and paperwork.  Kris couldn’t help but study the man.  Adam was sprawled out in the chair beside the hospital bed, his pressed pants and shirt wrinkled and spotted with dirt and straw.  He was propping up his head in his hand, elbow resting on the arm rest of the chair.  His black hair was messy, like he’d been running his fingers through it.  He was a beautiful man, someone Kris was more and more drawn to.  It wasn’t just the power in his body, but the power he exuded in his bearing, his personality.  The quality made him ideal for working with horses, making him the top horse in the herd. 

Adam’s lids flickered before his blue eyes caught Kris’s stare.  Kris felt stunned by the turbulent emotions that were hiding under the blue depths.  Kris inched the fingers of his right hand to his left wrist, only to find it bare.  Just as the frown of confusion was creasing his brow, Adam was up and out of the chair, his own hand reaching out and cuffing Kris’s wrist with long fingers.

“Kristopher, keep your eyes on mine,” he ordered, and Kris was helpless to obey.  “The paramedics had to cut your cuff off in order to examine your wrist.  It’s gone, but I will help you through that.”

The solid pressure of Adam’s hand around his wrist kept Kris calm.  He took a deep breath, smelling the chemical-bright scent of hospital and Adam, Adam, Adam.  He was horse, and hay, and earth, and musk, and calm.  Adam was calm.  Kris took another breath, this one solidifying himself in his body and in Adam’s supporting strength. 

“I’m good,” he said when he could, trying to tug his hand away from Adam’s grip.

Adam held on, his eyes still looking into Kris’s.  “No, you’re not.  When we get back to my house, we’re going to have a conversation about you and Katy O’Connell, and what actually happened.”

“What?” Kris’s calm tried to slip away.  He couldn’t tell Adam what Katy did with him.  How she forced his body to sing for her.  How she made him into a plaything.  How she broke him.  How she then discarded him.  How she made him need it.

“I can see you starting to get upset, Kris, and that’s okay.  You’re allowed to be upset over what will be a tough subject, but you need to let it out.  You need to bleed the poison out of this.”  Adam’s expression was soft and earnest, and so very different from what Kris expected from him after his impassioned speech. 

He opened his mouth to respond, but Adam shook his head.  “The nurse will be in soon with your wrist brace.  This isn’t something we should talk about with an audience, and I doubt you would be comfortable with that either.  We’ll wait.”

Sure enough, the nurse came in just as Adam was settling back into the chair next to the bed, his hand resting on Kris’s ankle, keeping contact with him.  The nurse flicked a flirtatious smile at Kris while he carefully wrapped Kris’s wrist and talked about what was in the folder with all his paperwork.  Kris gave a tentative smile, but his eyes flickered to Adam. 

Adam looked interested in what the nurse was saying, absorbing the instructions for Kris’s care; he didn’t seem to be worried that the nurse was flirting. 

Kris grunted as he settled into the proffered wheelchair.  A scrub top had replaced his destroyed silks, and he couldn’t help but shiver when they started moving through the beige halls to the exit.  Adam jogged ahead to his truck, pulling it up to the curb, and then hopping back out to help Kris into the passenger seat.  They waved goodbye to the nurse before Adam got back into the car and started the drive to his house in Centerville. 

The drive was quiet, and Kris dozed on and off during the drive.  Adam didn’t seem interested in picking up their conversation before they got to his house, and that suited Kris just fine.  He didn’t really want to talk about it, but what Adam said about bleeding out poison struck a chord within him.  Maybe he really did need to let some of it out, talk to someone about his and Katy’s relationship.  And maybe, just maybe, he would be able to move past it.

Moving from the car into Adam’s cozy, one-story house wasn’t as easy for Kris as he expected.  The adrenaline seemed to have finally worn off, and his entire body was one big ache, especially his wrist and side, where he must have hit the ground.  Each step shot a shard of pain up his body, centering on his head, making him a little dizzy.

Adam ushered Kris inside and onto the squishy, black leather couch in his living room.  He got Kris settled before dashing back to the truck to bring in his bag from the race and Kris’s discharge papers.  One last detour to the kitchen, where he grabbed two water bottles, and Adam settled into the armchair kitty-corner to Kris. 

He cracked open one of the water bottles and handed it to Kris.  “Drink and take a moment to gather your thoughts.  I want you to start from the beginning of you and Katy.”

Kris took a small sip from the water bottle and sank back into the cushions.  He remembered the first time he’d seen Katy at the O’Connell barn.  “I started working at the O’Connell’s farm Rolling Hill when I was in middle school.  Just doing basic stuff, mucking stalls and grooming, anything to be around the horses.  Katy would show up to take lessons and go for a ride, and she would occasionally talk with me about school, but for the most part she ignored me.  I thought she was cute, but I was more interested in the horses and what the grooms could teach me about horsemanship.”

He took another sip of water.  “It wasn’t until high school that Katy started paying more attention to me.  I’d gotten a steady job at the barn as a groom and was moving to being a handler.  Still not sure what it was about me that caught her attention, but it seemed like one day I wasn’t on her radar and the next she was suddenly my girlfriend.

“The first thing she changed was my clothes.  I apparently didn’t fit in with her crowd, so I had to start dressing the part in polo and collared shirts.  My family didn’t have a lot of money, and everything I made I was saving up to buy a horse, so Katy ended up spending the money, which made me feel indebted to her and that I had to wear what she got me.” 

Kris risked a quick look at Adam, who was leaning back and listening, an open look on his face that didn’t give his thoughts away.  The lack of judgment made the next bit easier for Kris.

“I don’t really remember how the two of us having sex started.  Katy had dragged me to a party, and I remember drinking a couple of beers, and then we were upstairs and she was on top of me.”  Kris had to pause for a moment and take a breath.  It had suddenly gotten so much hotter in the room, and he needed another sip of water.   “After that, she started getting upset with me if I hung out with my friends too much or with some of the other workers at the barn.  She kept saying that if I loved her, if I cared for her, I would only want her to touch me and hang out with…and she would keep me from having panic attacks.  That’s when she gave me the bracelet.”

Adam sat forward.  “How long have you had panic attacks?”

The change of subject let Kris breathe and sip his water; it was getting lower quicker than he expected.  “I started getting them after my family and I had a car accident when I was in middle school.  I broke a couple of ribs and punctured a lung.  Getting into a car afterwards was really hard for me, and I ended up having a panic attack on the way home from the hospital.  My mom nearly turned the car around to go back, but my dad was able to calm me down enough to get home.  They were pretty bad for a while, and my therapist actually suggested that I find a hobby with animals; that was when I started working with the horses, and the attacks began to settle.”

Adam nodded in understanding.  “Horses really are great therapy animals.  Feel okay going back to Katy?”

Kris nodded, “Yeah.”  He took a deep breath before starting again.  “So, um, yeah, we started having sex, and she started getting upset if I was with other friends.  I was a pretty tactile guy.  I’d hang off my friends, and Katy said that it gave off a bad and wrong impression when I did that, so I had to stop.” 

They were silent for a moment, and Kris looked around the living room, taking note of the warm tones and the lived-in feeling.  So different from the pristine coldness of the O’Connell house.  “Sex between us became Katy’s time to let off stress.  She would say that she had something new to try, and it would usually be some new toy for her to use on me.  I mean, I usually liked what she would do.  I didn’t really like when she used knives on me, but she really liked it.  That’s what she would use when I’d done something she didn’t like.”

On the mantle, there was a picture of Adam on horseback standing beside a woman that had to be his mother, they looked so alike.  Kris kept his eyes on that for the next bit of his story.  “I tried to keep everything separate—my life with Katy and my life at the barn—but Katy’s dad made me the handler for Katy’s horse, and that was when things started to get bad for me.  Nothing I did was right for her, and there was one day when I couldn’t walk easily so I was a bit slow in doing my work, and Katy slapped me hard enough that her ring cut my cheek.  She pushed me into an empty stall and had sex with me.  It was during the day, and the barn was busy around us, but every time I tried to stop, to get us home or someplace that wasn’t in the middle of the barn, she’d pinch me.  Her dad was standing there when she finished, and I just couldn’t anymore.  I remember crying, and my friend Charles driving me back to my apartment to help me pack while Katy was off riding.  Zorro’s tack and feed were packed up, and my truck and trailer were waiting for me when we got back to the barn.  The entire barn staff had Zorro ready for me, and barns and places for us to stay.  Hell, Cale was the one to give me the entry to the first race in South Carolina.  And that’s that.”

The rustle of Adam’s clothes when he stood barely registered to Kris, he was still caught in the memory of that last day.  He could still feel the hay and shavings sticking to his skin, the musty smell of dirt and dust underneath the mellow cedar. 

Adam’s hand on his shoulder startled Kris, making him jump, and his eyes flew up to Adam, settling beside him on the couch.  Kris couldn’t read the emotions on Adam’s face, they were changing too quickly, but his expression finally settled on neutral empathy.  His hand slid from Kris’s shoulder to grip at his hand.

“Kris, what do you know about D/s relationships?” Adam was intently watching Kris’s face. 

“Only what I’ve heard since _Fifty Shades of Gray_ came out.  I mean, I guess I know it has to do with BDSM and sex and stuff.”  Kris turned more toward Adam, lacing his fingers with Adam’s.  “Why?”

The breath Adam took looked like it was for fortification.  “Because what you had with Katy was an unhealthy D/s relationship—one that you slipped into without consent or knowledge.  A relationship like that needs to be negotiated between both partners, with things like safewords and limits.  The fact that Katy gave you the cuff was a sign that she at least had some sort of knowledge of what she was doing.  And the fact that she didn’t have an open and frank discussion with you about it really took advantage of you.”  Adam took another deep breath and brought his free hand up to wrap around the other side of Kris’s.  “Katy raped you that day, Kris.”

Kris felt rage twist his face.  “I know.  God damn it, Adam, why do you think I left so quickly?  Why do you think I’ve suddenly started having panic attacks again and haven’t so much as looked at anyone since I left Arkansas?  I thought I loved her, and I thought she loved me, only to have that thrown in my face when she didn’t even care enough about me to… She went for a fucking trail ride after she raped me in front of her father!”  The tears were coming; he could feel them pricking at the edges of his eyes and making his vision blur.  “She just left me, god, why did she do that?  Why?”

The tears fell in earnest, and Kris let himself be gathered into Adam’s arms.  He could barely make out the nonsense soothing words Adam spoke while rocking him.  Kris just let himself cry and sob and make a mess out of Adam’s shirt, his face buried in Adam’s shoulder as he sobbed.  The crying hurt his head, but Kris couldn’t help the tears.  Each sob felt like he was finally letting what had happened go, just a little bit.  Enough that it didn’t burn and weigh his heart down anymore.  Adam’s arms were solid and comforting around him.  They kept him grounded and didn’t feel at all like they were in judgment of Kris for not being strong enough.

It was something he’d thought for a long time—that he hadn’t been strong enough to keep Katy loving him in a gentle manner, to keep her from taking advantage of him, to keep her from hurting him.  But Adam’s soft words of “it’s not your fault” and “you’re so strong for letting go” and “let it all out, I’m here” let the poison of his own thoughts bleed away.  The tears and sobs slowly settled, and Kris let himself relax in Adam’s arms.  At some point Adam had pulled him up onto his lap, and he held Kris close, tender around his bruised side and wrist. 

Soft lips kissed his temple, and Kris’s eyes fluttered open, his heart slowly calming.  He could smell Adam, his laundry soap and the last hint of cologne.  Underneath all of that he could smell Adam’s skin, that hint of salt and musk and warmth. 

Kris pulled back just a bit, looking at Adam’s face, his blue, blue eyes tenderly watching him, understanding and caring in them.  He flickered his eyes to Adam’s lips before looking back into Adam’s eyes.  Not letting himself think about it, Kris leaned forward and kissed him. 

Adam’s lips were soft against his, not quite slack, but they weren’t kissing him back.  Kris muffled a whimper against their connected lips and tried to get Adam to kiss him back, lightly sucking on Adam’s bottom lip. 

“Please,” he begged against Adam’s mouth.  “Please.”

One of Adam’s hands came up and gently cradled the back of Kris’s skull before he softly pushed Kris back with a hand against his chest.  “No, baby.” 

Kris could feel himself starting to shut down again, embarrassed at not reading Adam’s signals correctly, but the fingers in his hair calmed him down when they began to play with the too-long back. 

“You’re not in the right headspace right now.  And as much as I would love to kiss you and take you to my bed, you aren’t ready yet.”

The mulish frown that crossed Kris’s face made Adam laugh softly.  “ _Yet_ , you’re not ready yet.  You’ve never had a male lover have you, baby?”

“No,” Kris said and paused to consider that.  “I’d never even really thought about it before.”

“That right there is one reason why we should wait.  You need to be really sure that’s what you want.  And baby, another reason is that I also like D/s relationships; I like kink.  I like taking my subs down to their limits and then building them back up.  I like having someone to take care of in that way.  But you don’t know if that’s what you would really like.  All you know is how a bad relationship works.  And maybe you _would_  like it, but maybe not tied to sex…and I would want to have sex with you if we started that type of relationship.”

He took another deep breath that Kris could feel, Adam’s chest brushing against his, his exhalation gusting across Kris’s face and neck.  He could feel himself swaying inexorably into Adam, but part of him knew that Adam was right.  Kris needed to find out if he really did want to be in a relationship with a man, with Adam, and if he was interested in kink, or in kink the same way that Adam was.  With a nod, he pulled back a bit from Adam and let himself slip off of his lap and back onto the couch.

“You’re right.  But how do I figure that out?  I mean, the internet is for porn and all that, but there’s a lot out there.”

Adam’s soft smile make Kris’s heart jump.  “The internet is a great place to start.  Look at some gay porn, see if it turns you on.  Try some fantasies with what you see.  Buy a toy or two to try out.  Find out if you like being penetrated.”

Kris blushed.  “I do… Katy, uh, she liked to use a strap on sometimes, and I really liked it.”

Adam’s eyes darkened, but he took a deep breath and seemed to steel himself before his next statement.  “And talk to Brad.  He and I used to date, and he can give you a frank picture of what it’s like to be with me.  When we first ended, it wasn’t pretty, but both of us worked hard to be friends again, and it’s made both of us lose the rose-colored glasses about each other.  He’ll be honest with you and can also steer you into the right places if you have questions.  He’s kinda a treasure trove of knowledge.”

Tentatively, Kris smiled up at Adam.  “I can do that.  But what about the Kinky side of things?”

“Ah,” Adam gave a full out grin.  “There’s a club in DC that we can go to.  They have 101 nights for beginners to try some kinks out.  Brad’ll be good to talk to about that, too.” 

“I…” Kris paused to lick his lips, his eyes catching that Adam’s followed the motion with interest.  “I think I’d really like to talk to Brad and maybe after that I’ll decide if I want to go do the 101 thing?”

Adam’s grin was beautiful, and Kris couldn’t help but smile.  “That sounds great.  Until then, let’s get you some food, and then you can get settled in the guest room.  You could probably do with some sleep.”

At the mention of sleep, a sudden jaw-popping yawn took Kris by surprise.  “Sleep and food sound amazing.”

Adam stood, slapping at his thighs.  “Food first, sleep second.  You can take another pain killer after you’ve eaten.”  He walked toward the kitchen but paused in the doorway, turning back to Kris.

“I’m really proud of you.  It took a lot to tell me what you did.”  He grinned again and walked into the kitchen leaving Kris with his thoughts and a sudden feeling a relief. 

He couldn’t hold back a pleased huff when he leaned back against the cushions, his head tilted back, looking at the ceiling.  Suddenly, Zorro wasn’t the only bright point in Kris’s life.

Kris spent two days just lounging around Adam’s house, eating and surfing the internet between nap breaks; Adam seemed to feel the need to constantly feed Kris.  The soreness from the fall was slowly leaving his body, and his need for naps was decreasing, even though he still had sudden bouts of sleepiness.  Adam always laughed softly when he found Kris passed out on the couch instead of his bed, the TV still playing whatever stupid show he’d been watching before falling asleep.  Gentle hands would wake Kris up enough to shuffle him into the bed, a kiss to his forehead, and then Adam would be gone again.

The beginning of Kris’s third day at Adam’s was interrupted by a banging at Kris’s bedroom door at 7 a.m.  He jerked awake, wincing slightly as he jostled his wrist, and his head gave a lingering thud of pain.

“Kristopher!  I don’t care if you’re not decent, but Adam told me I need to give you quote unquote _warning_  before barging in.  Please tell me you aren’t decent and will still let me come in!”  Brad wiggled the door knob in warning.

Laughing, Kris sat up against the headboard and pulled his covers into his lap, letting the folds of cloth cover his morning erection.  “I’m decent, come on in Brad.”

The door opened to Brad’s huff of disappointment as he sailed inside.  “So, Adam has given me permission to take you on a field trip.  I figured you were probably tired of looking at these walls—and Adam’s excuse for decorating—and might want to see that horse of yours.”

Kris perked up at the mention of Zorro. 

Brad settled on the bed, pulled his leg up and underneath himself, and turned to look Kris up and down.  “Well, you certainly look better than you did before they took you away in the ambulance.  Got some color in your cheeks and you’re obviously feeling better.”  He gave a not-so-subtle glance at Kris’s lap, a bright smirk on his face. 

Blushing, Kris nudged Brad not-so-gently with his foot under the covers.  “Dude.”

“You are such a boy, Kristopher,” Brad said, rolling his eyes.  “Fine, I’ll go entertain myself in Adam’s kitchen while you get yourself pretty.  Ugh, I hate your skin.  You’ve obviously been neglecting hygiene while you’ve been here, if the state of your hair is anything to go by, but your skin is amazing.  Disgusting.” 

He sailed out of the room just as quickly as he’d come in, leaving Kris with a smile on his lips when he pulled himself out of the bed and into the en suite bathroom.  Kris took a critical look at himself and figured that it would probably be good if he did actually shower before leaving the house, especially if he was with Brad.  He had a feeling Brad would make a lot of comments otherwise.

Fifteen minutes later, he joined Brad in the kitchen, dressed with still-damp hair, fiddling with his wrist brace.  Brad looked up from the phone in his hands and stood, batting Kris’s hand away to secure the straps of the brace for him.  He looked Kris up and down and sighed.  “You aren’t getting on horseback today, Doctor Adam’s orders, but I guess making you change out of britches would be a pain.” 

Kris grinned brightly at Brad, “What Adam doesn’t know?”

Brad’s smile fell, “No, honey.  You should really listen to him.”

He started to try and argue, but Brad just shook his head.  “No.  Not because of what we will be talking about later, but because you’re still recovering from a concussion and you’ll probably get really bad vertigo if you get on today.  Give yourself the chance to really heal, and then wait until a training day with Adam so you have someone to help if you’re still feeling off.”

“But can’t you watch and help?  You’re Adam’s partner and a trainer, too.” Kris tried to keep the whine from his voice and knew he wasn’t completely successful.

“I could, but I also know that Adam would have my hide if I let you get on horseback without him there.  He’s your trainer, hon, and that should carry weight.”

With a sigh and a nod, Kris agreed.  “Okay, fine.  So, something to eat and then to Nelson’s?”

“Yup!” Brad said brightly, switching with ease to a new topic and emotion.  “Here, I made you an omelet while you showered.  Egg whites with spinach, bell peppers, and lots of cheese.  We’ve got to get you back into riding shape; build your stamina up again and make sure your bell isn’t so rung you can’t get back in the saddle.”

Kris sat at the table, mouth watering at the smell of the omelet that Brad put in front of him.  He ate quickly, making sounds of obvious pleasure at the taste, which seemed to make Brad happy as well.  Cheese wasn’t something he usually added to his eggs, not needing the extra calories, but damn if it didn’t taste amazing.  The cup of coffee put in front of him made Kris smile up at Brad, who was washing the dishes from their breakfast, his own plate already on the drying rack.

When they were both finished and Kris’s plate cleaned, Brad hustled them into his SUV.  He chattered on for a few minutes until they were on Rte. 50, heading west in the light morning traffic.  “Okay,” he eventually said, taking a deep breath, eyes still facing forward with tension suddenly in his posture, “Adam told me a little bit about what happened in your last relationship.  Just enough to tell me it was full of un-negotiated kink that you couldn’t consent to because you didn’t know about it.”

His good mood vanished with Brad’s words, Kris slouched down in the seat, the high of seeing Zorro diminishing.  “Yeah, he kinda opened my eyes to that part of the relationship.  He said that you could give me some information about what it might be like to be in a healthy kinky relationship.”

“You mean, you could find out what it would be like to be in a kinky relationship with Adam,” Brad said.

“Yeah,” Kris breathed out, keeping his head down, looking at his twisting fingers in his lap.

Brad sighed softly and turned a slight smile at Kris before patting his shoulder.  “Just had to make sure we’re both on the same page about this.  You look at some gay porn yet?”

Kris could feel his cheeks flushing.  “Yeah.”  He couldn’t help grinning a little bit.  “That was eye opening for sure.”

“Oo, Kristopher, do tell!”  The atmosphere in the car lightened, and Kris felt himself relaxing again.

“Well, um, I can say that _yes_ , I do find it hot?”

Brad rolled his eyes and nodded, “Yes, and?  Do you suddenly feel like you’ve opened a whole new facet to your sexuality?  Have you been panting after the wrong bits all your life?  Do you have the sudden desire to get your mouth on some guy’s cock?”

Kris couldn’t help laughing at Brad’s enthusiasm.  “I’m definitely bi.  And maybe only interested in Adam’s cock?”

“Mm, he does have a nice one.  It’s big and thick; it’ll fill your mouth and make your jaw ache.  It’ll weigh your tongue down and make your eyes water when Adam fucks into your mouth, going maybe a bit farther than you expected but can’t help but love.”

“Jesus,” Kris muttered, feeling his own dick stirring in the tight confines of his britches.

“Oh baby, you won’t know what hit you the first time you go down on your knees to take it into your mouth.  He’ll be gentle, but he won’t let you get away while he uses you.”

“Brad,” came Kris’s strangled response, shifting in the seat, breath panting out of him.

Brad turned to look at Kris, the smirk on his face slipping off in surprise, his eyes darkening with desire.  “Oh honey, you really are going to be a delight once you’re fully on the up and up.”

“Then tell me!” Kris all but begged, not really understanding why he was feeling so needy all of a sudden.

“Kristopher, you need to listen to me.  Take a second and get yourself under control.” Brad was completely serious, all hints of teasing gone from his voice and face.

Kris took a couple of deep breaths, letting the sudden sharp arousal drift away before he nodded to Brad, letting him know that he was okay.

“You’re obviously interested in Adam, but you need to wait until you know more about kink before you really get into a relationship with him.  He was right that it wouldn’t be good for you.  Adam is consuming.  He will fill your thoughts and your desires if you’re with him.  He’ll take care of you, often making decisions for you that you might not like, but he will insist are right for you.  They often are, but he’ll make the decision for you without your say beforehand.  He’s an amazing lover and a fantastic Dom—because _that’s_  what he’ll be.  Adam doesn’t do non-kinky relationships anymore.  They don’t fit for him.  Not all the sex would be scene, but it would still be there.” 

Brad breathed for a second before he started up again.

“It’ll be brilliant, but if you don’t both know what you want and need going in, it could be disastrous.  That’s why going to the Dungeon 101 night is a good idea.  You get the chance to try out different kinks in a safe and open environment.  The lights are on, and there’s a house safeword and everything is consensual.  Nothing really hardcore happens that night; they keep it light for the newbies.”

Kris let Brad slip into silence while he thought about what he said.  The construction on the road slowed them down for a little bit, and Kris let himself sink into the motion of the truck and Brad’s aggravated mutterings about idiot drivers before he spoke again.  “Why did the two of you break up?  You and Adam?”

Brad didn’t respond right away.  “Adam is a serial monogamist.  At that point in my life, I wasn’t.  We both loved each other a lot, a whole lot, but it wasn’t enough.  Love can only take you so far.  That, and Adam lives the life; I don’t.  I do enjoy the occasional spank and tickle, but I don’t want to be collared or be a fulltime sub for someone.  That just doesn’t work for who I am, but that’s who Adam is.  When we first broke up, there were some bad feelings on both sides because we had a hard time expressing what our wants and needs were.  It took time, but we both were eventually able to communicate again and start working to be friends.”  An impish light came to Brad’s eyes.  “Did he give you the whole speech about not sleeping with me?”

Kris blushed, and Brad bounced in the driver’s seat. 

“The man is deliciously possessive, especially with new people in play.  And baby, you were the newest of the new, and he didn’t particularly like you at first.  You were pretty unexpected.”

“Well,” Kris murmured, “no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.”  Brad’s loud laughter brought a smile to Kris’s face, and the rest of the drive to the barn was relatively quiet while Brad hummed along to the radio and Kris watched the farm land whiz past. 

When they pulled into the driveway, Kris rolled his window down and stuck his head out, whistling loudly.  The seven note pattern carried over the fields, and it wasn’t long before he heard an answering whinny from Zorro and the sound of hooves moving quickly.  Brad had barely put the SUV into park before Kris was unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door to get to the fence line.  He could hear Brad’s cautionary call to be careful, but Kris was too focused on climbing over the fence to greet his eager horse. 

He winced when Zorro pushed his head into Kris’s sore shoulder, but he still threw his arms around the thick neck of the Thoroughbred in a hug.  Zorro huffed breath over him, blowing air and saying hello all in one.  Stepping back, Kris ran a solid hand down Zorro’s forehead to his muzzle, the velvet of the skin soft and comforting.  He then moved down his neck, finger-combing a little of his mane before running his hand down his back from withers to dock, feeling for any irregularities.  Then his hand ran down from hip to fetlock to hoof, searching for any heat.  Kris moved back to Zorro’s shoulder and ran his hand down to his hoof, before repeating the process on the other side.  Finding nothing out of the ordinary helped release the tension that Kris hadn’t even noticed he’d been carrying.  He scratched at Zorro’s girth line and then his bellybutton, watching his lips tremble with pleasure. 

Kris pushed against Zorro, who was leaning against him wanting more scratches, before he turned to see Allison and Brad at the fence, each with a foot up on the lower board and leaning against the top board watching him.  He tried to hide his blush against Zorro’s flank, but Ally’s laugh relaxed him, and he gave a slight laugh as well before patting Zorro on the shoulder and moving over to his audience. 

“Everything meet with your approval?  Have I been taking adequate care of your horse for the two days you’ve been away?” Ally asked, laughter sparkling in her eyes.

“Yeah,” Kris answered, bringing his hand up to scratch at the back of his head, but ending up stumbling forward when Zorro, who had followed him to the fence, butted his head against Kris, upset at being ignored. 

Brad rolled his eyes, the smirk at the corner of his mouth giving away his enjoyment.  “That horse is more canine than equine.  You’d think it was a month since they’d seen each other last.”

“He missed you, kept looking into the tack room expecting you to come out during breakfast and dinner,” Ally said when she reached a hand out to pat Zorro’s neck.  The horse leaned forward and snuffled along her shoulder, making her giggle.

Kris couldn’t help but grin and lean into Zorro’s shoulder.  “I missed him, too.”

“When can you get back in the saddle?”  Ally asked.

“Not for another day or so,” Kris said with a sigh that made Brad laugh.

“Yeah, Doctor Adam has pretty much said Kris isn’t allowed on horseback until next week with him.  The concussion should be gone by then, and Adam will have the chance to work with him.”

Ally huffed a laugh and leaned back, both feet on the fence and her back bowed in an arch as she stretched.  “Well, that shouldn’t keep you from cleaning some tack and doing some work around the barn, now should it?”

The smile that crossed Kris’s face was full of relief and joy to be getting back into a familiar flow of work; “No, ma’am, it shouldn’t.”

A few days later, after returning to light work, Adam brought Kris back to Nelson’s and, after a quick ride around the ring, gave him a clean bill to get back to riding.  The atmosphere in Adam’s house had been a little tense, but mainly full of anticipation while the two of them navigated keeping the relationship professional under the obvious blanket of arousal whenever one of them would lean into the other’s space.  At one point, Adam put his hand on Kris’s neck, his fingers brushing against his jaw, and Kris couldn’t help but lean his head back into the grip and let his eyes flutter closed.  He could hear Adam’s quick inhalation of breath, felt the soft squeeze he gave to Kris’s neck before letting him go.  Kris had to excuse himself to the bathroom for a few minutes and jerk off, his sudden hard on more than he could ignore, before he could come back and continue their conversation. 

Ally had been a good friend and boss while he was recovering.  She was quick to see what was causing him difficulties with his still very sore wrist and she often assigned him jobs that let him stay sitting to ward off any dizzy spells.  Though, now that his concussion was gone, Kris was glad to be out of the office, free from inventory and order forms.  Paperwork was not his favorite part of being a barn manager.  The morning that Kris came downstairs and out into the barn to see Zorro’s saddle in front of his stall, along with Halo’s, Ally’s horse, he couldn’t help but grin.

Once all the horses were fed and stalls mucked, Ally and he groomed their mounts before tacking them up.  Yancy perked up from where she was lying in the office doorway when they lead Zorro and Halo out of the barn, the dog following them once they were outside and mounted. 

Halo took the lead onto a well-worn trail out past the pastures and into the woods along the fields.  Kris and Ally were pretty quiet to start off, just idly calling out to Yancy to keep her close and to point out low-hanging branches or a hole off to the side of the trail.  It was about ten minutes into the ride, and they were in the cool shade of the woods, the sound of a creek reaching their ears, when Ally finally turned to look over her shoulder at Kris.

“So, you wanna talk about it?” she asked.

Kris frowned in confusion, “About what?”

“Whatever it is that’s making you and Adam move at a glacier’s speed—why he’s treating you with such kids gloves.  Adam’s a bit of an eager beaver when it comes to new relationships, but with you he’s taking a different approach.”

He knew he could change the subject and Ally would let the conversation drop, but he actually didn’t want to.  Kris wanted to tell Ally about Katy.  Not all of it, but that it happened.  Bleeding more of the poison, and all that…

“Well,” he took a fortifying breath, “my last relationship wasn’t a good one.  Katy was my first everything really and she took advantage of that.  I don’t really want to get into specifics, but in the end, she pretty much used me and dropped me.  It was difficult, because I worked at her father’s barn, and that was my whole life.  So when things came to a head, I had to leave quickly.  I was really lucky that I had good friends at the barn who helped me get out and gave me a few contacts to get set up afterwards.  It was really tough for me to even think about, but I’m getting better.  Adam’s really helping me.”

“Okay, that explains some of his actions, but what else is it that’s keeping you guys from fucking like bunnies?”

Kris’s startled laugh caused Yancy to give a sudden howl, startling a rabbit they had to call her off of.  Once they got her back, Kris chuckled again.  “Well, I guess the best reason is because I’ve never been with a guy before.  Hadn’t even really thought about it that much.  Like I said, Katy had pretty much been my first everything, and since I’d been with her for so long, I didn’t really think past her.  Pretty sure, though, that I’ve always been bi, just never had the chance to act on it.  Adam just wants me to be really sure, and I do appreciate that.”

Ally nodded, and they continued for a few minutes in silence, just enjoying the trail, before she spoke again.  “So, I guess that means he’s being even more slow ‘cause he doesn’t want to scare you when he puts you in wrist cuffs.”

“Ally!”

The club lights were on, and while there were lots of various tools of the trade strewn about, Kris didn’t feel intimidated.  People were smiling, talking with strangers, and Adam was a steady warmth at his side.  Brad was on his other side with a running commentary while they waited for the introduction to start.  When Kris had asked both Brad and Adam to come with him to the meeting, they’d leapt at the chance to provide moral support.

They’d also used the chance to take Kris to one of their favorite restaurants in DC before the club.  He could still feel the rich meal sitting heavily in his stomach.

“Welcome to The Crucible and to Dungeon 101.”  The woman grinned at the audience and Kris felt himself relax more into Adam’s arm across the back of his chair.

“I’m Laura, and this is Travis.  We’re the monitors who are running Dungeon 101 this evening.  This will be a chance for you to try some different kinks in a safe and open environment.  We’re keeping the lights on and the stations open until 11 p.m.  That’s when the club will open to regular participation, though we have asked our more experienced and regular members to not have sex tonight.”  Laura grinned, glancing down at the paper in her hands.  “So, we have to go through the legalese for the evening.  This is mainly so that everything stays safe, sane, and consensual tonight.”

“Yup,” Travis chimed in.  “The big thing about tonight is that you have a safe space to try things that you might be interested in but never had the chance to try before.  The biggest thing is that you communicate with either the top or bottom in a given scene.  Now, the way we’re using top and bottom is that the top is the one giving the sensation or action while the bottom is the one receiving.”

“Going along those lines, the house safeword is Red.  We’re using the stoplight system; green meaning everything is good; yellow means that you need to back off and readdress what is going on; and red meaning full stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200.  Either the top or the bottom can use these safewords here.  Another way to stop whatever’s going on and get help from the Dungeon monitors is to shout out ‘Safeword.’  Everyone around will stop and help if needed.”  Laura pointed to a woman in a bright orange safety vest, “That’s Pixie, she is one of the monitors, and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask her or anyone else.” 

“Really quick, since there’s going to be a lot of mingling tonight, we want to give an example of how to approach a scene with someone new.  Laura, would you like to be spanked?” Travis asked.

Laura looked at Travis for a moment with a slight smile.  “No.”

“Okay!” Travis turned as if to walk away before turning back to the giggling audience.  “Remember: no means no here.”

Kris could feel himself tensing up a little bit, but Adam brought the hand he’d wrapped behind Kris up to his hair, softly playing with the strands and calming Kris down. 

“In other instances,” Travis continued, “where it’s worked out between top and bottom, it might not, but today and here, no always means no.  If you mean no, say it.  Don’t say ‘Not now’ or ‘Maybe later,’ because the person asking is not a mind reader and they’ll ask again, and then you might feel upset or intimidated because they keep asking.”

“And that does not make for a safe and sane environment vibe.”  Laura turned back to Travis, “Now, let’s try again.”

“Laura, would you like to be spanked?” Travis asked again.

“Yes, I would!  I have some knee troubles so I can’t kneel,” she answered over enthusiastically.

“Good to know!  I won’t have you kneel on the spanking bench.  Instead, I’ll have you lean against it while standing.  Does that work for you?”

“That does!”

“Anything else I should know?” 

“Nope, I think that’s everything, but I’ll tell you if I think of something.”  She gave him two thumbs-up and winked with a comical leer.  Laura grinned when the audience laughed.  “Now, this was a really basic conversation, and something similar should happen before each scene.  This is what is called scene negotiation, and it’s what keeps everything healthy.”

Travis rustled the sheet of paper in his hands, flipping it over.  “We have a bunch of different stations set up, so we’re going to have everyone running them come up and introduce themselves and their station.”

Kris couldn’t really tell if he was excited, uncomfortable, or just confused, while the demonstrators introduced themselves.  His eyes flickered around the room, different stations grabbing his eyes, like the spanking bench and the Saint Andrew’s crosses.  He partially spaced out until the audience stood and started picking up their chairs, opening up the floor and getting ready for the demonstration part of the evening.  Kris took his chair over to the other side of the room with everyone else and then rejoined Adam and Brad.

Brad put his arm around Kris’s waist, leaning his head on his shoulder.  “What are you interested in trying, buttercup?”

He blew out a breath, “I don’t even know where to start.”  Kris looked up at Adam, who was looking around the room, people watching for the moment and giving Kris the chance to make up his mind.  “What would you suggest, Brad?”

“Well,” Brad stood up straight.  “A good, basic place to start is spanking.  You could also just wander around and watch the different stations for a bit before you try something.  No need to jump right in.”

Adam nodded, “Brad’s right.  Don’t feel like you have to try something tonight.  Just watch and see how it works for other people.  Is there anything you know you _don’t_  want to watch or try tonight?”

Kris shook his head.  “I like the idea of just watching for a bit.  Maybe start at the spanking and then go to the flogging?”

Brad grabbed Kris’s hand.  “Good idea!  Come on, I want to get spanked!” Brad led them over to the spanking bench and approached the older woman running the station, a grin on his face while Adam and Kris hung back.

“How’re you doing?” Adam asked, his arm sneaking around Kris’s waist.  He couldn’t help leaning into Adam’s side, the heat of him comforting Kris.

“I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but I think it’s just a bit of information overload.  Give me a few minutes of observation, and I think I’ll be good.” 

The two slipped into silence while they watched Brad negotiate his scene with the lady.  He nodded, unbuckled his belt, and wiggled his pants down past his hips before kneeling up on the spanking bench and leaning over.  Kris watched the woman put her hand on Brad’s shoulder before bringing her hand down on his butt with a light ‘Smack!’ sound.  She asked Brad a question, and he responded before she brought her hand down harder than before.  He nodded, and she swatted him a few more times before moving on and picking up a wooden brush.  She brought the flat side down, and he gave a soft squeak of sound, jerking slightly. 

Kris blushed a little, feeling turned on at Brad’s next inadvertent sound.  Maybe that could be something that Adam would be interested in doing to him.  He then noticed the others who were standing around them watching as well.  It was a good mix of couples and groups of friends.  Some were watching silently, while others were commenting on what was happening or even discussing something completely different.  It seemed so common place to them all, and that relaxed Kris even more.  No one was looking upset or disgusted.  They were all just _interested_. 

He came out of his thoughts when Brad stood up, thanking the woman and grabbing a wipe to clean the bench, his pants just barely up over his hips.  “How did that feel?” Kris asked while Brad pulled his belt out of the belt loops and draped the leather around his shoulders.

“Good.  She had a good, stinging spank with her hand.  I think I’ll have a small bruise from the paddle, but that’s fine.  It felt good; a nice way to warm up for the evening.  I prefer spanking in a scene, the emotional and sexual connection and everything, to just a little bit in demonstration, but like I said, good way to warm up.  On to the flogging?”

They moved as a group to the Saint Andrew’s crosses next to the spanking bench.  The crowd there was a bit sparser, but the woman and man running it were just finishing up a round of demonstrations when they walked up.  A new volunteer walked over to one of the crosses and bit her lip before she turned to the man running the cross.

“I’d like to be flogged.”

Before the man could respond, Adam pulled away from Kris.  “Would you object to me flogging you?  I’m experienced in flogging, but I would like to try the one that he has there.”  Adam motioned to a leather flogger that sparked Kris’s interest when pointed out.  The black leather of the handle and the thick, red suede tails looked like an instrument of someone who knew the art.

Flogging wasn’t something that Katy had ever done to him, so getting to see someone get flogged in this environment really sparked something in Kris.  He was a little frustrated at first that Adam offered to flog the woman, but the arm that Brad snuck around his waist leeched that flare of jealousy out of him.  This was his chance to see Adam in action, and now he was even more eager to see him work with someone else.

She glanced at the man before turning to Adam.  She gave him an assessing look, taking in his dark blue button up with silver thread, tight black pants, and leopard print boots before smiling.  “Sure.”

The two of them talked for a moment, and then Kris watched as she took off her shirt and bra and turned to the cross to lean into it, wrapping her arms around the top beams in a hug.  Adam picked up the leather flogger, giving it a few experimental swings before moving closer to the woman and speaking softly to her.  She nodded, and Adam stepped back, swinging the flogger, the leather hitting her back with dull thuds.  A few swings into it, Kris could see her skin starting to pink up.  Every few hits Adam stepped forward, putting his hand on her shoulder and checking in with her.  Each time she nodded, her body getting more and more relaxed as they went on, until Adam stepped back a final time and she stood up straight again. 

Seeing Adam in his sexual element, strong and in charge, much like he was when training, was really turning Kris on.  He squirmed a bit, feeling his cock harden in his pants at the demonstration of Adam’s easy dominance.

When she turned around, the grin on her face was wide and relaxed.  “Thanks.  Can I get a hug?”

“Of course, sweetie!” Adam responded, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a gentle squeeze.  When they pulled back she grinned at Adam again before winking at Kris and moving on, her shirt and bra in hand. 

The presenter began to wipe down the cross, and Kris felt his body moving forward.  “Adam?”

“Yeah, baby?” Adam still had the flogger in his hands, and Kris could feel his skin tightening in anticipation.

“Will you flog me, please?” Kris asked.

The man turned—his nametag said George—and looked at the two of them.  “Have you ever been flogged before?” he asked Kris.

“No.  I’ve never really done any real scene before.” Kris answered honestly.  He didn’t consider what he and Katy did as real scenes.

“Okay, I want you to have a full negotiation.  Adam, you know Kris, right?”

“Yeah, George, I brought him with me.  He’s new to the community and wanting to try and learn.” Adam reached out, touching Kris’s wrist while giving him a soft smile.  “Would you like me to flog you, Kris?”

Kris nodded, and then frowned when Adam’s brows rose in a silent prompt.  Adam followed that up with a hand gesture as if asking him to go on.  “Oh, yeah.  Yes, I would like you to flog me.”

“Is there anything I should know or stay away from?” Adam asked.  “Remember, I need you to verbally tell me these things, Kris,” he added when Kris started to shake his head.

“Um, no, there isn’t anything you need to know or stay away from.”  At Adam’s grin and George’s nod, Kris turned and pulled his shirt up over his head before leaning into the cross, hugging the beams like the woman before him had. 

Adam’s warm hand on his bare shoulder was a comfort.  “Remember to keep breathing.  If at any time you need to stop, remember your safeword is red.  Can you repeat that for me?”

“Red,” Kris murmured before Adam’s hand withdrew and the first hit of the flogger kissed his skin.  It wasn’t anything bad, more like a dull weight landing on him.  The first few hits were the same, and he could feel his skin warming under the leather.  Adam ran a warm hand over his back, the sting coming to the skin a bit more before he started hitting Kris harder.  One particular hit made Kris gasp, but he remembered Adam’s suggestion on how to breathe through the pain and he felt himself start to sink deeper into the feeling. 

His skin was warm, but his body felt loose.  It almost felt like the high he got from a good race and a good ride, the increase in oxygen from a good workout.  His head was spinning softly, floating into the sensation Adam was giving him and how good it felt.  Too soon, the heat of Adam’s hand grounded Kris back into his body, making him whine from losing the free, floating feeling he had.  He could hear Adam chuckle behind him while he ran his hand up and down Kris’s heated back, the skin feeling tighter and more sensitive than before.

“Still with me and doing good?”

“Yeah,” Kris was able to breathe out. 

“Want a few more?”

“Yes, please.”  Yes, he wanted to feel that feeling again.  He didn’t have to worry there, and everything was soft, and Adam was there.

The thud and sting of the flogger kissed his skin for a few more strokes.  And then Adam stepped close again, wrapping his arms around Kris from behind.  Adam rested his chin on Kris’s shoulder and kissed his ear.

“How are you doing?” he asked, his arms rubbing up and down Kris’s, slowly getting him to loosen his grip on the wood he hadn’t realized he’d been gripping so hard.

Kris had to take a few deep breaths before he could answer.  “Good.  Calm.  Turned on.”

Adam’s chuckle tickled his ear, and he couldn’t help a low whine when Adam stepped back and away from him.  “Come on, let’s get you some water and talk a little bit and watch some of the other stations.”

Kris nodded and let his arms drop down to his sides.  Adam wrapped an arm around his waist, his other hand passing Kris’s shirt to Brad, and started leading him toward the small bar at the side of the room.  People smiled at the two of them as they passed, a few girls looking on with desire in their eyes, and Kris felt proud—of himself for what he had done, and that he had Adam to do it to him.  Brad was hovering on his other side, and for once the other man was keeping his hands to himself, purposefully keeping away from Kris.

At Kris’s questioning look, Brad gave him a small grin.  “You’re still a little subspacey, and Adam’s in his Dom headspace right now; he wouldn’t want anyone else to touch you quite yet.  Water first, and some talking, and then all the hugs you can handle.  You’ll probably want them.”

“I want them now,” he whined without meaning to.  Kris could feel his blush race across his cheeks and heat his neck, but when both Adam and Brad chuckled he grinned back at them before turning his head into Adam’s shoulder to hide just a bit. 

When they got to the bar, a man stood and offered Kris his stool.  A cool bottle of water got opened up in front of him and placed in his hands.  It was already perspiring and left splotches of water on his jeans.  When he brought the bottle to his lips, one of the drops of condensation fell on his bare chest, reminding him that he hadn’t put his shirt back on.

“My shirt?” he asked.   Brad handed it to him.  Adam took the water bottle while he pulled the shirt back on over his head; the soft fabric felt rougher on his back.  “Thanks.”

They stayed silent for a little bit, just watching everyone around them, Kris taking the occasional sip of water and Adam keeping a hand on either his shoulder or knee.  After a long time, Adam glanced at Kris and smiled, the bright blue of his eyes almost taken over by dark pupil.  “You liked that?”

“Yeah,” Kris sighed.  “It was different from anything before.”

“How so?” Brad asked. 

Kris smiled at his friend and reached out to play with the hem of Brad’s shirt.  It’d been a long time since he hadn’t censored his impulses to touch his friends and play with their clothing or hair or even their fingers.  Not in a flirting way, but just to be tactile, to create a relationship and connection reinforced with touch.  His family and friends had been used to Kris being tactile; that had been one of their first red flags about his relationship with Katy, when he’d started censoring his touching. 

“With Katy, it wasn’t about being free, about letting go.  It was about being controlled.  I was constantly worrying that I wasn’t doing something right.  Adam,” he had to look up at the man, “you made it about me, how I felt, what I wanted.  You keep on doing that.  You’re giving me control over it.”

Brad gave a bouncing clap.  “That’s the secret, honey!  Ultimately, the sub has and should have control over a scene.  Yes, the top is doing the action, but the bottom is the one who has the control.”  He held his clasped hands up under his chin, quirking it to the side while he looked between the two of them, his brown eyes dancing.  “I take it you’re feeling more sure about things?”

“Bradley,” Adam’s voice was a stern warning that caused a few people to turn in their direction.  Kris reached out and pulled Adam closer to him with an arm around his waist, an ankle hooked around Adam’s calf.  Adam looked down at him and chuckled, almost darkly.  “Oh baby, who knew you could be such a gem?”

Kris took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling more and more grounded back in his body.  “I’d like to stay for a bit longer, watch the different stations and maybe stay until open play, just to see?”

“Sounds good,” Adam said, giving him a quick squeeze around the shoulders. 

The three of them drifted from station to station, watching one man get hot, colored wax dripped and splashed over his dark skin, turning his body into a sort of canvas of abstract art.  Another station had purple wands, and Kris let the man run the electric current over his arm before he stepped back into Adam’s arms.  As the night wore one, Kris could feel himself leaning more and more into Adam, and Adam was being just as tactile, always with an arm around Kris and pressing kisses into his hair. 

Brad flitted around them, occasionally partaking in a station, sometimes making conversation with other attendees and drawing Kris into them as well.  Kris relaxed while they talked about the kinks they liked and what was new to them, what they were excited to try.  He made noises about the rope bondage station, and Adam’s eyes gleamed before he murmured that he had a set of dark green ropes that would look nice against his skin. 

The tickling station in the side room drew them for a while, watching a girl, restrained at each wrist and ankle, thrash around while she let out peals of laughter.  For a moment Kris was nervous watching the Domme, but when she stopped to let the girl breathe and checked in with her, he felt his nerves slip away, and he relaxed back into Adam’s arms. 

“Do you think they would let me try just being restrained?  Katy did that a few times, and I didn’t really like it, but I want to try it again.” He looked up at Adam; Brad was off talking with a girl, nude except for her boots.

Adam looked at the second bed in the room and back at Kris.  “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I trust you.”

He nodded and kissed the side of his head before stepping into the room and whispering to the Domme.  She leaned back and looked at Kris, grinning at him before nodding at Adam.

Adam held his hand out to Kris and Kris took it, a nervous bubble in his stomach.  But he was determined to try this with Adam.  He sat down on the bed, and Adam kneeled at his feet, helping to take off his shoes.

“Okay, we’re going to start with one wrist before moving on to the next.  After that we’ll try one ankle and then the next.  Remember, if at any time you need to safeword out, just say the word and we’ll get you up.  Okay?” Adam was still on his knees, looking up at Kris.

“Yes,” Kris said before lying back fully on the bed and scooting up so that his feet were on it, too. 

Adam came around and carefully brought his right arm up to the cuff.  He kissed Kris’s wrist before wrapping the cuff around him and velcroing it closed.  His eyes were intent on Kris’s face, waiting for Kris to give the go ahead to move on.  Kris took a deep breath before he nodded his assent.  Adam repeated the motions and kiss at the next wrist.  It took Kris longer to give his permission to move on, his heart starting to race a little, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t push through.  Nothing he hadn’t pushed through before.  His ankles went a little faster, and then he was fully restrained. 

Kris let himself pull at the restraints, testing them, and found them secure.  Found himself secured.  Bound.  Stuck.   _Fuck_.  His heart was pounding in his ears, and he could hear his breaths gasping past his lips.  He started shivering, but he wasn’t cold, not yet.  He could just barely hear Adam talking to him over the pounding of his heart.  Adam’s hands began running over his arms and torso, centering him again.  He was just about to open his mouth to safeword out, the panic starting to get to him, but suddenly his eyes caught Adam’s intent gaze.  Adam’s hands were running up and down his arm, staying close to the cuff, ready to remove it as soon as Kris said so.  Adam was more worried about Kris, wanting Kris to feel safe and secure, than about his own power. 

Another deep breath, and Kris let the panic go.  It was like breathing through the pain when he was getting flogged.  His body relaxed, the tension gone, and he felt secure, bound, safe, and held.  Adam’s tension drifted away while Kris floated in the sensations, and he settled on the bed next to him, fingers now playing with his hair.  He could read Adam’s pride in his eyes, and that made Kris feel a strength that he never had before.

Open play started at 11, and when the lights lowered, Adam found them a couch to sit on.  Brad gave them a big hug and trotted off, going home for the night.  He had an early morning with a new trainee he wanted to be rested for.  Kris stayed at Adam’s side, leaning into him, watching couples play and talk. 

“How do you feel about kneeling?” Adam asked after a little while.

Kris thought about it and then moved down to his knees, on the floor at Adam’s feet.  Adam’s hand went to his hair, running his fingers through it, giving the occasional tug that Kris leaned into.  People came up and chatted with Adam, a few of them asking Kris a question when given permission, and by the end of the night, Kris felt more solid and secure than he had in a long time when not on Zorro’s back.

His bruises from the race had all healed, and there were only a few lingering spots of yellow on his back from the night at Dungeon 101.  Kris was back on Zorro at last, building his and the horse’s endurance back up for an upcoming race in a few weeks.  The first few minutes of warm-up ring work were filled with Zorro bucking with excitement. 

It was just the three of them out on the course, practicing a coup with a water obstacle that was giving Zorro a hard time.  They sailed over the jump with barely a hesitation in Zorro’s steps, and Kris was turning them to make another run at it when he saw a flash of blonde hair standing close by, watching.  He didn’t pay it much attention, getting Zorro straight and steady, but on the next pass Kris suddenly recognized the features on the woman.

Reins suddenly loose, Zorro dropped his head and nearly unseated Kris when he came to a stop before the coup. 

“You okay?” Adam asked, trotting over to them while Kris slid from the saddle, letting Zorro’s bulk block Katy from his sight.

“Katy’s here,” Kris said, the neutrality of his voice belying his suddenly pounding heart. 

Adam’s eyes widened, and he looked over his shoulder at Katy, who was coming closer, a bright grin on her face.  “Remember, she doesn’t have anything on you.  Nothing that would make me think any less of you.”  Kris smiled at Adam and then watched his face slip into a professional mask, similar to the one he wore the first time they met for training. 

 _Fuck_ , Katy was still as beautiful as Kris remembered.  She was wearing britches and boots, with a tailored shirt hugging her curves. 

“You’ve gotten better, Kris,” she said when she was close enough.

Zorro snorted and stomped, his head tossing and almost knocking into Katy when she tried to rub his neck.  Kris tightened his hold on the reins and clucked softly at Zorro to keep from laughing at the anger that crossed Katy’s face.  She never really did like the Thoroughbred. 

“So has Zorro,” Adam said, giving Katy his bland, professional smile.  “I don’t think we’ve been introduced.  Adam Lambert.  I’m Kris and Zorro’s trainer.”

Katy’s eyes sparkled and she grinned back.  “I’ve heard of you!  My daddy tried to get you to come do a work-shop at the farm, but you couldn’t.  I’m Katy O’Connell, Kris’s girlfriend.”

“Ex,” Kris said hurriedly.  “You’re my ex-girlfriend.”

“Kris!” Her voice was sharp, and before, before Adam, it would have cowed him.  Now though, it just made him a little sad. 

How many years had he spent trying to be good for her, when she wasn’t trying to be good for him?

He shook his head.  “No, Kats.  We broke up the day you left me in that stall with your father.”

“Kris,” she frowned.  “Let’s not talk about that in front of someone who doesn’t know us.”  Her hand reached out to grab Kris and pull him away from Adam.

Kris stepped back, closer to Adam and Zorro, using the horse to steady him.  “Anything you say to me, you can say in front of Adam.  You can’t hurt me any worse than you already have.”

Her beautiful features crumpled, and tears came to her eyes.  “I’m so sorry!  I know that I hurt you and what I did was wrong, but weren’t we so great together?  We can have that again.  You can come back to the barn and be Daddy’s new manager; you wouldn’t be a groom anymore, you can race, and we can try again.  Please, don’t give up on me!”

Kris darted his eyes from her over to Adam, who was standing there, calm and silent, just waiting for Kris to make his decision.  Waiting for Kris to make up his own mind about what he wanted and who he wanted to be with.  That’s why Kris didn’t have any conflict in his mind when he looked back at Katy and shook his head.  “No.  What we had was unhealthy and unbalanced.  We can’t go back to that.  And I don’t want to.  I’m happy here.”  He said that last part while looking at Adam, who had a gentle smile curving his full lips. 

The sadness melted from Katy’s features, her face turning hard when she gave a sniff and delicately wiped at her eyes.  She frowned at Kris and Adam, taking them both in—their familiarity and ease.  “Well, I see you’ve already found someone else to fuck you.  But he’ll eventually tire of how needy you are, and when he does, I don’t know if I’ll still want you anymore.  Just know that I’ll take you back, for now.  I could change my mind.”

“Ms. O’Connell, I think it’s time for you to leave.  You’ve interrupted our training session for long enough.”  Adam said, his eyes hard when he looked down on her.

Katy rolled her eyes and left. 

“You okay?” Adam asked, wrapping his arms around Kris’s waist. 

He took a deep breath and assessed.  “I’m upset that she was here and that she said those things in front of you.  I’m also nervous that she might be right—that you _will_  get tired of me.  Saying that, I know that if we did break up, not that we’re even officially together right now, but I know I could stand on my own two feet and be okay.”  He went to lean his head on Adam’s shoulder, but his helmet knocked into Adam first, so he reached up and unclipped the chinstrap.  Before he could remove the helmet, Adam’s hand came up, gently pulled it from his head, and carefully laid it on the ground at their feet. 

“You sound remarkably together about all of this,” he said, pulling Kris close again.

“Did you know Ally is taking Psych courses right now?  I’ve been her therapy guinea pig, and it’s actually helped a lot.”  Kris leaned back just enough to meet Adam’s gaze.  “Want to go on a date with me and give this relationship a chance?”

“I’d love that, Kristopher Allen.” He pulled Kris in close again, whispering in his ear.  “And maybe I can get you on your knees for me again.”

They put off the date until the weekend, and Adam made them a reservation for Vinifera in Reston.  Kris balked a little when he did some research on the restaurant, but Adam insisted.  Saturday evening came, and Kris waited for Adam below his rooms.  He had dressed carefully in black slacks, a cream button up, and a black waist coat.  He’d debated wearing a tie but, as nervous as he was, he didn’t want something around his neck that could exacerbate the situation. 

When Adam arrived, he wore a gorgeous, silver-gray suit that was tailored to perfection around his broad shoulders and trim waist.  Kris couldn’t speak when he saw him.  Adam took pity on Kris, holding his hand out for him to take and drawing him in close, kissing him lightly on the lips in hello.

“Ready?” he asked when he pulled back. 

“Yeah,” Kris said and let Adam guide him with a hand on the small of his back out to Adam’s car.  They weren’t in the truck, but in Adam’s BMW, the shiny black paint slightly dusty from the gravel driveway.  Kris couldn’t resist sinking into the luxurious leather seat after Adam closed the door behind him.  He ran his hands up and down the upholstery and took a deep breath, smelling the leather and a slight hint of Adam’s cologne. 

The drive into Reston was mainly silent, with the radio on the local Top 40 station, Adam humming along to some of the songs.  Kris watched the farmlands around him pass by and often found his gaze drifting to Adam, caught by the beauty of his profile.  He truly was a beautiful man.  There had been a moment, when Kris finally realized his bisexuality, where he could feel what could have been panic, but it ended up feeling more like a puzzle piece finally fitting into place, making the picture of his life that much more clear and whole.  And now, he found himself in the presence of a beautiful man who found him attractive as well.

What really struck him about Adam’s beauty wasn’t just his physical appearance, though.  Sure, Adam had amazing blue eyes, now framed in artful eyeliner, and full lips that Kris ached to feel again, but he was also a caring and smart individual.  His horse sense was on par with John Aldred’s, and the horses responded to him with ease.  He also had a way of explaining a concept that made what he wanted rider and horse to do make perfect sense.  Kris had watched a few of his training sessions with Patrick, and he was always in awe of how Adam brought rider and horse into harmony. 

The forty minute drive went by quickly, and Kris grinned when Adam pulled up to the restaurant and the valet station.  They were greeted at the door, and the host took them outside again to the garden patio.  The fire feature in front of their settee was off, but the colored glass sparkled in the fading sunlight.  Kris could smell the basil and mint growing around them.  Adam wrapped his arm around Kris’s shoulders, holding him close while the two of them looked over the menu.

“Adam,” Kris said, frowning down at the menu.  “This is really expensive.”

He squeezed Kris in a sideways hug.  “It’s okay to indulge every once in a while.  I want to spoil you a bit.  Honestly, I like to take care of my partners, spoil and cosset them.  Get anything you want, try something new, don’t worry about it.”

Kris let himself relax into Adam’s side and looked more closely at his options.  “Do we want to pick out a bunch of the Pintxos and then an entrée to share?  There are a lot of different options.”

Adam hummed in thought, his face close to Kris’s, and Adam’s cologne wafted over him.  “That sounds good.”  The hand around Kris’s shoulder reached up and wrapped lightly around Kris’s throat, tipping his head back, giving Adam room to lean over and kiss Kris.

He barely noticed the menu falling to his lap while his hand came up to wrap his fingers in Adam’s hair.  Adam’s tongue teased at the seam of Kris’s lips, asking for entrance, which Kris gladly allowed.  The control Adam had over the kiss let Kris sink into the sensations.  He could feel the tug of Adam’s lips against his, the hint of teeth, and the slick heat of his tongue sliding past his lips and over his own tongue.  Kris was helpless against the sensual assault, and there wasn’t anything he wanted to do to stop it from happening.

Adam was the one to pull back, a whimper of displeasure leaving Kris’s lips when they parted.  The look in Adam’s eyes was dark and intense, heady.  “Pick what you want to eat, Kristopher.”

They ended up with skewers of tender baby artichokes with a smoky blue cheese, and Adam convinced Kris to get the escargot on brioche with chives and garlic.  Adam fed Kris the bite, his thumb lightly resting on Kris’s bottom lip, and Kris could taste the salt on Adam’s skin along with the tang of the garlic.  Adam brought the red wine to Kris’s lips to help him wash the morsel down, the notes of berry in the wine tickling Kris’s senses. 

The strip steak they ordered to share came quickly, and Adam continued to feed Kris bites between his own.  Whenever Kris tried to reciprocate for Adam, his wrists were caught by Adam’s free hand.  Adam’s grip would tighten enough for Kris to feel his strength before letting go. 

“Remember, I’m trying to spoil you tonight.  Let me take care of you right now, and another time you can feed me.”  Adam brushed his fingertips across Kris’s brow before tucking under his chin and leaning forward to give him a light kiss.

Their plates had been cleared away, only their wine glasses left, both still nursing last drinks, enjoying the atmosphere and each other’s company.  Kris was pleasantly full, feeling slightly lethargic over the rich foods and Adam’s constant attention.  All he wanted to do was curl up with Adam’s arms around him and sleep. 

“I…I can barely believe we’re on our first date.  I just feel like we’ve been together longer.  I keep feeling like maybe I shouldn’t feel as strongly as I do quite yet.  I mean, this is only our first date, and I can’t help but picture how we’ll be five, ten months down the line.”  He tilted his head back to look at Adam.  “Are you feeling anything close to that?”

Adam ran his fingertips over the backs of Kris’s knuckles.  “I think that it could be moving a bit quickly.  I don’t want us to rush into anything, but I feel something just as intense for you.  We just need to be careful with one another and keep talking about how we’re feeling.  Every good relationship is built on open communication.”

Kris opened his mouth to reply but was shocked into silence when, once again, familiar blonde hair caught his eye from across the room—Katy, approaching the two of them with purpose.  Kris struggled to sit up and away from Adam, but Adam held him close, and Kris couldn’t help but relax back unless he wanted to make a scene…beyond the one about to be caused by his ex-girlfriend.

She looked beautiful in a form-hugging blue cocktail dress.  Her hair was down around her face in loose waves, and Kris could see a bracelet on her wrist that Kris had gotten her on an anniversary, something to match the cuff she had given him, only with gold and diamonds chips.  He was surprised she had kept such an inexpensive piece after he left.  The smile on her face seemed easy, but Kris had years of practice reading her body language; he knew when she was upset and frustrated. 

“You two are hard to find,” she said, slipping onto the settee across from them and crossing her legs at the knee, flashing the length of her thigh at them. 

“I didn’t know you were looking for us, Ms. O’Connell,” Adam said politely, his arm still secure around Kris.

“Oh, Adam, call my Katy,” she demurred.  “But yes, I’ve been calling around.  I have a proposition for Kris here, and I guess you as well, since you’ve been training with him and Zorro.”  Her smile turned predatory.  “Come and race for my daddy, and we’ll front you all the entry fees.  You just have to wear the Rolling Hill silks.  And Kris, this could really be a chance for you and me to work out our problems.  I do really miss you.  I know that I didn’t treat you right, but—“

“Katy,” Kris interrupted.  “No.  Just, no.  I don’t want to race under your father’s banner.  I’ve made it this far on my own.  Zorro and I are doing it ourselves.  And we’re gonna do just fine up in Saratoga next month without someone owning us.”

Katy practically growled her frustration, “You’re just a stupid barn hand who doesn’t deserve to own a horse like Zorro, let alone race him.  If it wasn’t for me and my daddy you would be nothing.  Without me you _are_  nothing.”

“Katy, I think it’s time for you to leave,” Adam said, his tone clear with distaste as he signaled the restaurant manager, who came to stand by their table.

“Is there something I can do for you all?” he asked, obviously aware of the tension between them.

Katy stood, smoothing her skirt over her legs, “No, I’m leaving.”  She leveled one last look at Kris before she turned to leave, ignoring Adam.

The manager nodded at the two of them, “I’ll get you gentlemen your check so you can leave whenever you like.  Please enjoy the rest of your evening.”

The two of them sat in companionable silence while they waited.  Kris, though, felt anxiety creeping in.  What if Katy was right, he thought.  What if he really wasn’t anything—what if the last few races had been flukes?

Adam signed the check slip with a flourish and leaned back once he’d put his card away.  “What are you thinking about that’s given you that look?”

“Nothing,” Kris started before he shook his head and turned to Adam, his leg folding underneath him.  “Just, what if she’s right?”

“About what?”

“About me, and Zorro, and racing, and everything?  What if I really am nothing without her and her father, and everything recently has just been a fluke?”

Adam was quiet for a moment, giving obvious thought to what Kris said.  “I don’t think any of it’s been a fluke.  You and Zorro are an amazing team on the course, and you understand him and horses in a way that takes talent and skill.  And honestly, you did that on your own.  You spent years working to earn enough to buy Zorro and then paid out of your own pocket for training and entry into races.  That isn’t an easy thing to do for an independent racer.  Horses are a wealthy person’s world, and you’ve muscled your way in, and that makes you so strong.”

“I think I’m starting to feel strong, but I spent so many years feeling weak that it’s a tough mental switch to make.”  Kris fiddled with the napkin still in his lap.  He grinned then, slightly rueful, but still impish.  “I’m getting there, though.  The promise of sex is a good motivator.”

Adam’s surprised laugh was enough to make up for the hiccup of Katy’s unexpected interruption in Kris’s eyes.

Saratoga Springs was just as hot and humid as Virginia.  Kris and Patrick drove in shifts, breaking the seven-and-a-half hour drive to water the horses and to let them out of the trailer.  They arrived at the track just after four and unloaded the horses into their stalls, Zorro and Kestrel keeping one another company over the dividers. 

Patrick’s Juniors race came and went, and Kris found himself in a strangely peaceful state of mind.  He was at Saratoga Springs, New York, about to race his own horse.  And win or lose, he would still have his horse, his job, his friends, and Adam.  Adam, who was giving him last minute advice about the other horses and jockeys, about when to let Zorro go, to watch the inside corner. 

“Kris,” Adam said, sharply enough to break him out of the haze. 

“Hmm?” Kris hummed in response, eyes still more focused on the various outriders milling about. 

Adam’s smooth fingertips on Kris’s chin turned him to face Adam.  “Listen to your instincts and listen to what Zorro tells you.  You’ll do great.”  He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Kris’s lips before turning him back around, then crouched down to give him a leg up.

Kris’s focus changed again as he and Zorro were lead to the post, and he pulled his goggles down.  Settling in the saddle and readjusting his gloves before taking a tighter grip on the reins and crop, he and Zorro waited for the bell.  Zorro was chewing on the bit in anticipation, and Kris gave the reins a gentle tug to get him back on the bit. 

The bell rang.  They left the post.  Turf and dirt went flying.  The thunder of hooves and the beating of his heart filled his ears.  Over the first fence.  Ten strides until the next.  A splash of water, someone hitting the water obstacle.  A turn.  Another fence.  The finish line. 

Huffing and out of breath, both Zorro and Kris trotted along the track, cooling off.  Kris looked up at the leader board and gave a shout of joy.  Third, they placed third!

The hotel room was almost too cold after the heat and humidity of the day.  Even after night fell, the intense heat swamped everyone.  Kris sighed deeply when he set his gear down in the bottom of the closet.  The celebrations in the winners’ tent were still going on, but Kris could feel the day catching up to him, and all he really wanted was to lie in bed and sink into the soft mattress. 

He was washing his face, the water washing away the left-over dirt and sweat from the race, when he heard a knock on his door.  Still drying his face, Kris opened the door.  Adam stood there, a bottle of champagne in one hand, red plastic cups clutched in the other, and a huge grin on his face. 

“Hey baby, you wanna let me in?”

“Oh,” Kris stood back.  “Yeah, come in.”  He shut the door behind Adam, leaning back against it, the washcloth in his hand all but forgotten until he felt the drip of water slide down his neck.  Kris quickly scrubbed the cloth over his face and tossed it into the tiny bathroom before joining Adam at the counter where he was setting up the cups.  “What are we celebrating?”

“One, that you placed.  Two, that you didn’t get injured this time.”  Kris huffed a laugh at that.  “And three, that you and me are here together.”  Adam leaned over, giving Kris a quick kiss on the lips before going back to working the cork out of the bottle.  It came free with a pop, and Adam moved quickly, pouring the bubbling liquid into the cups for them.

“To Saratoga and Zorro,” Adam said, handing Kris a cup while holding his own.

Kris smiled at the toast, “To Saratoga and Zorro.” 

They touched their cups together before each taking a sip.  Kris could feel Adam’s eyes on him while he tilted his head back just a bit.  The gaze felt like a caress on his skin, and he flushed.  Before, Kris would have let his eyes shy away at Adam’s—or anyone’s—attention, but he felt an answering desire start to build, and Kris lifted his eyes to meet Adam’s gaze with an intense one of his own.  Adam smiled at Kris, putting his cup back down and taking Kris’s to put down as well.

“Kris,” Adam started, stepping closer, the heat of him soaking into Kris.

“Yes.  Just, yes.  I feel like I’ve been waiting for ages, Adam.” Kris wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck and tilted his chin up for a kiss that Adam happily laid on his lips.

It didn’t start gentle like their past kisses.  Instead, Adam delved his tongue into Kris’s mouth all at once, consuming him.  Kris moaned deeply in his throat at the thrust of Adam’s tongue, gripping hard at Adam’s hair.  His body swayed more firmly into Adam’s while he stood on his toes, trying to get closer.  With shuffling steps, neither one wanting to break the kiss, they moved to Kris’s bed.  It was only a few steps away, but it felt like miles.  All he wanted was Adam’s weight and heat bearing down on him.  He wanted to feel Adam’s strength all around him.

“Adam,” Kris finally said, their lips parting and Adam moving his mouth down across Kris’s jaw line and then down his neck.  “I want you to fuck me.  I want to let it all go.”

Adam groaned against the now-moist skin of Kris’s neck.  Kris shivered at the vibrations of it against him.  “You are a walking invitation to sin.”  He stepped back a little, looking Kris up and down before his hands were suddenly gripping at Kris’s clothing, tugging it up and away.  “Off, take it off.  I want to see all your flawless skin.”

Kris laughed at Adam’s exuberance.  “This is a little different than I expected,” he chuckled while slapping Adam’s hands away to pull his shirt off over his head. 

“What, did you expect me to be the dommy-est dom to ever dom for our first time together?”  Adam had leaned against the wall to pull off his boots, each one flung across the room as it came off.

Fumbling with his belt, Kris nodded slightly.  “It seemed like a strong possibility.  What with you saying that you lived the life when it came to relationships.  I was kinda hoping for it, honestly.  I want to feel like I did at the club.”

Adam paused in his own fumbling with his belt and looked up at Kris.  His eyes darkened, and a sensual grin tilted his lips up.  “Really, now?  You want it?  You want me to strip you naked, hold you down underneath me; keep your wrists bound while I fuck into you?  Keeping you from coming until I want you to?” He was stalking closer and closer while he talked, until he stood right in front of Kris. 

Kris nodded, his hands lax on his open pants.  Adam’s eyes were mischievous when he gave Kris’s right nipple a sharp tweak before pushing against his chest and sending him backward across the bed.  Adam giggled at Kris’s squawk of surprise. 

“Okay!”  He shimmied out of his pants and was gloriously nude.  He was miles of pale, freckled skin and long, thin legs.  Adam tugged on Kris’s pant legs and Kris arched his hips up, helping him to pull them off. 

The front of Kris’s gray boxer briefs were stained dark with precome, the front obscenely tented out over his erection.  Kris reached down to give himself a squeeze, but his hand was knocked away by Adam’s own, grip firm around Kris over the wet cotton.  Groaning, Kris arched his head back when he saw Adam leaning over him, his hot breath ghosting over his cock.  Adam laved his tongue over Kris through the cotton for a few seconds before he growled in what seemed like impatience and tugged the elastic down to pull the underwear completely off of Kris. 

A sharp cry escaped Kris’s lips when Adam swallowed him down to the root in a quick bob of his head.  He leaned up, watching for a moment before he had to flop back with a moan at the sight, already trying to stave off his orgasm. 

“Adam,” he patted at Adam’s hair with coltish hands.  “Up, come up… Gonna come…”

Adam lifted up with a slick sound.  There was saliva and precome around his full lips.  “Already?”  His grin was wicked.  “Fantastic.  I love that you’re so responsive to me.  One day I’m going to tie you up and tease you for hours, not letting you come until I say so.”

Kris moaned, grabbing at Adam’s shoulders and trying to pull him up over him.  “Okay, that sounds great.  Please just get up here and kiss me.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”  Adam stalked up Kris’s body, settling himself between his legs, which brought their groins into full contact that made them both moan.  They smiled at one another for a moment, Adam grinding down just a bit, before their lips met in a kiss. 

This one did start soft before building in intensity again.  Their tongues thrust in and out of one another’s mouths, exchanging dominance until Adam wrapped one hand around Kris’s wrist and pulled it up over Kris’s head, taking charge of the kiss.  Kris tugged just a little at Adam’s hold before he relaxed into it with a moan.  Adam kissed Kris’s lips one last time before he sat back up.

“Do you have lube and condoms?” he asked.

Kris motioned with the hand not over his head at his shaving kit in the bathroom.  “In there.”

Adam nodded and stood up, unashamed in his nakedness.  Kris let his eyes linger on Adam’s tight butt and slim thighs.  There was just a hint of extra weight around his middle, and it made him more human, made Kris want him even more.  The soft light from the lamps made Adam’s skin glow once he stepped back into the room, lube and condoms in hand.  He tossed them onto the bed before coming around to Kris’s side.  He stroked his hand down the length of Kris’s torso first and then came back to his shoulders.

“Come on, let’s get you better situated.”  With some maneuvering, the two of them got Kris settled back against a pillow, the rest tossed to the side, and Adam was between his legs again.  Taking Kris’s wrists in his hands, Adam pulled them up over Kris’s head and leaned on them, letting Kris feel the weight and hold of him.  “Feel how I’m holding you down?  When I take my hands away, I want you to still feel my weight against you, keeping your arms up.”  Kris nodded his understanding to Adam.  “What’s your safeword, baby?”

“Polo,” Kris said softly, glad that they had had that discussion weeks before.

“Polo,” Adam repeated.  He sat back and grabbed the lube, clicking the top open and pouring a good amount into his palm, swirling it around to warm up a little before he let it drift over his fingers and onto Kris’s cleft. 

Kris jumped a little at the cool liquid against his hot skin, but he settled down again when Adam’s dry hand rubbed down his chest to flick the edge of a nail against the side of his bellybutton.  Adam’s slick fingers parted Kris’s cheeks, finding his hole and rubbing over it with insistent pressure.  Kris couldn’t help moaning at the sensation, and when the first finger slipped in, he groaned deep in his throat at the feeling.

The one finger didn’t stay singular for long, because once Kris was fully relaxed around Adam, a second finger joined the first, and Adam began thrusting in and out.  Every few thrusts he would pause, scissoring his fingers and stretching Kris for him.  Kris could barely hear the steady stream of filth that flowed out of Adam’s mouth as he fingered him.  Words about how well he took it, how hot he was inside, how wet, how smooth, that he couldn’t wait to fuck him, make him useless for anyone else, make him Adam’s.

Kris breathed in and out, soaking in the feeling of Adam pleasuring his body and getting him ready for Adam’s cock.  One hand jerked like it wanted to come down and touch Adam, but a sharp smack across Kris’s hip reminded Kris to keep his hands up.  Kris gasped at the swat and sank into the sensation that quickly passed, the heat from the sting combining with the heat of Adam’s fingering. 

A whimpering moan left Kris’s lips when Adam pulled his fingers out, but Adam shushed him.  “Hold on a second, baby.  Gotta put on the condom and then I’ll be ready for you.  Just like you’re ready for me, all open and wet.”  Adam ripped the wrapper open and quickly slid the latex over his length.  The excess lube from before was slicked on, and then the head of Adam’s cock was at Kris’s entrance. 

“Breathe out for me, baby, and bear down.” Adam waited for Kris’s next inhalation, and then Kris could feel the steady pressure of Adam pushing inside him. 

It was intense and hurt a little, a soft whimper slipping from Kris’s lips, but it also felt like it had the potential to be amazing, already blowing away the times Katy had fucked him with the strap-on.  Adam paused about half way inside of Kris, pulling back just a little bit before he thrust forward one last time, sliding in to the hilt. 

He was full, so full it felt like he was about to burst.  Adam held still, waiting for Kris to relax around the hard length inside of him.  Once Kris relaxed, Adam gripped Kris around the hips, sliding out a little before once again thrusting forward and starting a steady in and out rhythm that slowly drove Kris out of his mind. 

Adam was inside of him, his cock hitting his prostate with practically every other thrust, making his senses light up. 

“Adam,” Kris groaned.  “Please, more!”

“Oh, you want more?” He punctuated it with a hard thrust that made Kris moan loudly and clench his hands into fists.  And then Adam stuck his tongue out at him while crossing his eyes.

“Yes, harder you goof!” Kris couldn’t help but laugh.  Adam obliged, his thrusts coming harder.  The slap of their skin against each other filled the air.

“You close, Kris?” Adam asked, sweat sticking his hair against his forehead, beads drifting down his chest.  One of his hands came off Kris’s hip and wrapped around his cock, stroking in rhythm with his thrusts.

Kris nodded.  “Yes, can I come, Adam, please?”

“Next time I’m going to make you wait.  I can’t wait to hear you beg.  Come for me, Kris.” 

Kris came, his back arching, hands still over his thrown-back head.  His come slicked over Adam’s fingers and up his chest. 

Adam came a few thrusts later, his body freezing overtop of Kris’s, and he rubbed Kris’s come into the skin of his belly, spreading it around while he caught his breath.  Once he was steady again, he smiled down at Kris, impish grin back on his face.  He leaned down and placed a kiss on Kris’s lips.  Kris, who was still semi-blissed out, just floated on the feeling of good sex and warmth.  When Adam pulled out, one hand keeping the condom from slipping off, Kris frowned softly at the loss. 

He lost a bit of time between Adam getting up and returning, a warm washcloth running over his skin, cleaning him of come and lube.  The soft terrycloth between his legs made him moan and arch into the caress.  The washcloth made a splat noise when Adam tossed it back into the bathroom before settling next to Kris, manhandling him under the covers and bringing Kris’s arms back down, crossing them over his chest.  Adam wrapped himself around Kris, making him the little spoon and holding Kris’s back close to his chest.

“How’re you feeling?” Adam ran his hands up and down Kris, settling him back into his skin.

“Good.  Floaty.  Less so than at the club.” Kris looked over his shoulder at Adam with a grin before placing a kiss on the part of Adam’s arm that he could reach comfortably.

“I didn’t want you to go too deep our first time.  We can work up to a deeper subspace for you if you want.  But we wouldn’t want to do that unless it was at one of our places, where we could control everything and do proper aftercare.”

“Sounds good,” Kris said through a yawn.  He wanted that.  He wanted the full experience of being under Adam’s care and to get to that place where his worries really could slip away and all that would matter was Adam.  He wanted it all.  He wanted all of Adam.

Adam kissed Kris’s temple.  “Sleep.  We’ve got a lot of driving ahead of us tomorrow.”

“Mmm,” Kris hummed before he slipped into a comfortable sleep.

The air was just starting to really smell like autumn.  Kris could smell the crispness in the air and feel the cold winds tugging at his silks.  The leaves were changing in Virginia, and the colorful dresses and hats in the crowd for the International Gold Cup leaned towards fall colors of orange and purple. 

Zorro gave a dancing step while the outrider led them to the post.

Kris clucked softly at the Thoroughbred.  When he spotted Adam nagging Brad in the sidelines, and the flash of Ally’s bright red hair, now with a few streaks of dark purple in it, he couldn’t help reflecting back over the past few months.

He still lived in the apartment above the tack room at Nelson’s, but more often than not he was spending evenings and mornings at Adam’s cozy house in Centerville.  They had made more and more steps forward in their relationship, both gaining trust in one another and in their friends.  That wasn’t to say that they didn’t have the occasional argument, especially when Kris was feeling particularly sarcastic, and Adam just wasn’t having it that day.

Things were particularly tense after Brad, Ally, Adam, and Patrick had a small intervention expressing their concern about Kris’s weight.  He didn’t want to hear it at first, but it struck a chord and explained Adam’s frequent attempts to spoil him with large meals.  It took talking with a nutritionist and a doctor that Adam forced him to go to for it to fully sink in.  Working with the nutritionist, Kris was able to hit a healthy weight for his height and musculature. 

Kris never would have imagined that he would look forward to nights out at a club, where he would willingly bend over in front of others to be spanked for something he’d done earlier in the week.  Adam encouraged Kris to join the BDSM lifestyle club and go to the information sessions and classes that interested him.  He still had a lot to learn, not only about the scene but also about himself, but he felt healthy and happy about learning.

He wasn’t broken.  Katy didn’t break him.

Adam also didn’t put him back together.  Instead, he gave Kris the tools to do it for himself.  And on the occasions when he _did_  want to be broken down and put back together, Adam was there to help him through it with a firm hand and a loving caress.

Kris grinned, fixing his goggles and giving Zorro a pat before gripping the reins tightly.  The bell rang.  They were off the post.  Zorro flew over the first fence.  Then the second.  They were almost there, finish line in sight.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank samanthahirr again, for her lovely beta job. She really helped to whip this fic into shape. Plus, it was really helpful since she knows little of the horse world and was able to keep it non-horse person friendly. I've grown up with horses and in the community and can forget that not everyone knows what it's like to live and work with the creatures. 
> 
> The Crucible and its Dungeon 101 meetings are real and a really fantastic resource for someone who is interested in the BDSM lifestyle.  
> The Crucible: <http://the-crucible.com/>  
> Dungeon 101: <http://the-crucible.com/Dungeon101.htm>
> 
> The races mentioned are real, though some details are fudged for the fic. 
> 
> Thank you also to the ladies of the Kradam mailing list. It's been just over a year that we've been spamming each other with daily e-mails, and I have found some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. I know my writing and my understanding of the world has grown because of you all. Thank you, thank you.
> 
> And I'm on [tumblr](http://auroratraum.tumblr.com/) if you like.


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